Showing posts from December, 2003
I'm on break from work until 1/5/04 so I'm cruising around with Joe causing trouble. Nah, just kidding. We had the most awesome Christmas with Goose and Marianne - who looked amazing and is coming along beautifully after her surgury. Today I'm doing a white tornado on the apartment and tomorrow Joe & I are off to a day wandering around, going to the movies and then out to dinner with our pal Jackie. Not much to report - just keeping on keepin on. Seasons greetings to all. Ivy All Red Ivy compositions, posts and blog content Copyright protected.
NOW I KNOW WHY I'M NOT A CAT PERSON - just kidding This little bit of news is quoted from today's LA Times written by J. Michael Kennedy: " So many birds are being killed by cats and collisions with urban America that fully a quarter of the winged species are in decline, according to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. Millions of birds die when they slam into glass office buildings or sliding-glass doors. Millions more meet their end on auto windshields. Still millions more die in crashes with communication towers, power lines and wind turbines. As reported in The Times (Dec. 8), windmills in the Bay Area's Altamont hills are taking a high toll on local birds, including golden eagles. But house cats are the slaughter machines. One study concluded that free-ranging cats kill at least 7.8 million birds each year in rural Wisconsin alone. And that excludes urban areas. Another study in Michigan concluded that a single pet cat killed at least 60 birds in an 18
THE BEST DARK SHADOWS EVER! Oh My God! Last night I sat down to watch my guilty pleasure: Dark Shadows and watch the episode where Bramwell is threatening to mary Daphne and alienate the entire Collins family - all of this taking place in parallel time of course since recently some of these characters died (this being how they bring them back)- and I had the usual level of enjoyment. Then I clicked on the next TiVo'd episode. The actress who plays Catherine/Angelique is sitting in front of a fire in her outlandish period outfit and she declares "Welcome to lost episode number 1222. When last we left Collinwood, the enraged Bramwell (they show a quick clip of Bramwell looking angry with no sound) proposed to Daphne (they show a quick clip of Daphne looking flattered with no sound) and believe it or not, she continued to give a complete recap of what happened in the following episode with silent character clips inserted. It was so cheap and horrible I couldn't believ
MY PALM DEPENDANCY A couple of years ago my pals Ria & Scarlett persuaded me to get set up for IMing and to purchase a Palm Pilot. I didn’t take to the whole IM deal, but the Palm was intruiging. Well, not at first. I ordered the Palm from an oline electronics store (who shall remain nameless) in mid-December and it arrived just in time for Christmas. Unfortunately it didn’t work. It kept getting Errors or needing to be ReSet and wouldn’t sync when put into it’s cradle. I fucked around with the little piece of crap and sat on Help lines for much of the following week until I was ready to pitch it out the window and watch it smash onto the sidewalk below. I ended up having to put everything back into the box and return it to the online store for repairs. Oh yes, repairs – not a new one… apparently something I’d clicked on when I ordered it entitled me to repairs only. Three weeks later I got my same box and Palm back, and it worked. Yeah! I carefully entered all of my conta
NAUSEATING EARTHQUAKE Uck. We just got back into the building after an earthquake. It certainly wasn't my first quake, but it rolled and rolled. Everything in my office was swaying and my boss whose office is next to mine hollered for me to get into the doorway. We stood there for almost a minute hanging onto the doorjams with the window shades banging and slamming into the windows. The strange thing is that I started to get sea sick. I looked out the windows and saw the phone lines swaying like someone was going to play double dutch with them. Miraculously they didn't snap. I peeked towards downtown to see if my old tower was still there. It seemed with the amount of movement we were experiencing that the tower would sway so far to one side it would simply fall over. Miraculously the tower was still visibly standing. The co-workers with the spiffy red back packs, helmets and goggles came around telling us to evacuate the building. I was only too happy to make my way down
THE CIRCLE OF BLISS TAKE TWO AND THE TINIEST ARTISTS I’VE EVER SEEN This past weekend Joe & I went to two holiday parties his co-workers had invited us to - Friday and Saturday nights. More than our usual share of socializing – but it was fun to get kind of dressy and meet people Joe talks about, but I’ve never met. Not the greatest for the diet, but hey, it’s the holidays. Saturday morning we chilled over breakfast at the Farmer’s Market and relaxed around the house in the afternoon. Sunday I wanted to make a second visit to LACMA’s "Circle of Bliss" exhibit. Joe, however, was unable to join me as he’d declared his bathroom in need of a major cleaning. While I was grabbing my purse & jacket, Joe was amassing an impressive array of cleansers and disinfectants along with scrub brushes, sponges, rags, brooms, buckets and gloves. I warned him to open some windows before he started so he wouldn’t pass out from the mixture of bleach and God knows what else he’d be sla
Marianne is resting at home now with the Gooseman at her side. She also has a nurse who comes in to check on her progress and drains they put into her. I'm keeping Joe's spirits up and having a quiet weekend. Now I'm off to make us a pasta salad for lunch. Ivy All Red Ivy compositions, posts and blog content Copyright protected.
TODAY IS A HARD DAY This morning at 9 AM Joe’s mom – the divine Marianne - underwent mastectomy surgery. I’m sending good thoughts and prayers. Joe is a wreck and I don’t think he slept at all last night. I went to bed around 9:30 last night and at 1 AM I noticed he wasn’t in bed. I crept into the living room to find him watching TV and smoking (he quit smoking a while ago). He’s just a wreck but this morning we discussed that the irony wasn’t lost on him – his mother’s struggle with cancer while he’s takes up sucking on a carcinogen. Since getting the news I’ve been thinking quite a bit about people’s reactions to news of illness, disease and death. Not to be morbid and Marianne isn’t going to die, but I have the hardest time saying what feels to be the right thing. I offer my sorrow and assistance and love… but it never seems enough in the face of disease or loss. I felt the same thing when my dad had prostate cancer. Everything feels hollow about my condolences, as if I shoul
MULTI-TASKING ON THE ROAD Americans spend a lot of time on the road. Los Angelenos spend a sick amount of time on the road. All of us can’t be expected to keep our hands at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel every moment that we’re driving. Personally I admit that I like to swing through a drive-thru and eat while driving, but I take care to select food that doesn’t fall down my blouse or need more than one hand to hold Hang on, a building near my office has caught fire and I just spotted it out my window. Holy Fuck! A big section of their roof is engulfed! Should I call 911? I don’t even know their address. What street is that on?! Wait, I hear fire trucks. Lots of fire trucks. OK, nothing I can do to help. Back to the blog. But it’s hard not to watch the fire… Anyway, I was admitting that I like to eat in the car. I also keep a magazine in the car for those madly frustrating times when I am sitting in stopped traffic. By perusing a fashion mag I am able to keep myself from
THE EXHILARATION OF A SPORTS CAR SQUARED There is a young woman who lives in my building who is handicapped. I'm not sure what the nature of her handicap is, but she has extreme difficulty getting around and uses those walking sticks that are braced around her biceps. Lifting each leg and swinging it forward to take a step and then balancing on her foot to take a step with her other leg obviously takes a major amount of effort. She is always very friendly when I see her, and we always trade smiles and "Hey! Good morning!" when we pass. I've held the elevator for her as she laboriously makes her way up the 4 steps into the lobby. The other day I saw her leaning up against an ultra cool Porsche Carrera GT as she pulled her apparatus off her arms and tossed them into the passenger seat. Then she slid behind the wheel and started up the engine. Growl Purr! Holy Shit! I've admired that car for months now. I had no idea it was hers! How totally cool? She had no
Danielle's blue and in So Cal for the holidays. I wish the gals & I could go up to Oxnard (or wherever she is right now) grab her and take her out for some fun. Or spring for a spa treatment for her at Burke Williams... something to make her feel better. Danielle, you're the coolest and don't you ever forget it! Ivy All Red Ivy compositions, posts and blog content Copyright protected.
AN LA WEEKEND So, this weekend I did my final holiday shopping and wrapping. Joe always gets his done early so I was struggling not look like such a procrastinator in the face of his super Santa status. We got all of our chores done Saturday morning and then I curled up to watch TiVo'd cached episodes of Dark Shadows while Joe stretched out on the other couch and fell into one of his "naps of death". Because I'm pretty sure some part of him is being abducted by aliens during these naps I kept an eye on him to be sure his body wasn't actually removed from the apartment. He woke up to dinner around 6 pm so it was a good 7 hour sleep. Hey, that's what weekends are for. While watching the strange goings on in Collinwood (they've got to hold a lottery and stick the loser in the haunted room for the night. Over the last 6 generations the loser either is dead the next morning or incurably insane) I blogged, puttered and used this cool new nail polish remo
TALKING TO YOURSELF IS CREEPY I don’t think that too many people would argue with me that when you stand near someone who is babbling to themselves it is uncomfortable. I know that living in the city means that I frequently come across mentally ill people who talk to themselves, but that doesn’t make me used to it. Worse still was the woman who would talk to herself and then get close enough to spit on you who lurked around the Dominiks on Broadway in Chicago and the nearby Glendale “L” stop. She was particular to herself… but I digress… Recently I was waiting in line at Rite Aid to pay for my nail polish and this fella came up behind me and was mumbling, whistling, making popping noises and generally talking to himself. Dang! I hate that. He was also an individual who didn’t need as much personal space as I do. I need quite a bit of personal space. If you’re rubbing up against me, I’d better have initiated a sexual relationship with you. So Mr. Mumbles is doing his thing and the
BLINDED BY THE SUN Ever have one of those mornings where you're driving along to work and suddenly the sun hits you right in the eye with full blinding fury and no matter how many adjustments you make you can't see? Well that was my private Hell this morning - actually not so private since there were thousands traveling alongside of me. Holy schamole! So there I am, I'm battling traffic at 70 mph and wham! The sun lasers me. This is some mean feat since my windshield is filthy and practically nothing can penetrate it. Suddenly I was blind. I snatched off my trendy blue sunglasses that Joe got me and put on my black sunglasses. No improvement. Then I flipped down my visor and started trying to make myself taller so that the freakin visor would offer more shade. This is pretty silly since I'm relatively tall. I didn't have a phone book or booster seat in the car so that didn't really work very well. So I got to work this morning with pupils the size of pin
DEPRESSING DAYTIME TV & THE WONDERS OF THE FOOD NETWORK Since on Tuesday and Wednesday I did a lot of laying on the couch – when not laying semi-comatose on the bathroom floor – I did quite a bit more TV watching that I typically do in a 48 hour period. Much of the time I was napping in between painful trips to the bathroom, but when I was awake and able to focus my eyes on the TV I watched as much Food TV as I could. Sounds strange I know for a gal with food poisoning to watch that particular network, but since it was egg fu yung that I got sick on, I was happy as long as no one was preparing that particular dish. The other daytime programming was just too freaky for me. Either it was a talkshow that had guests who were screaming at one another from the moment of their introduction, or guests who slowly built to the point where they were screaming at each other and the host of the show would have to try to scream some pointless summary message over the din as the credits star
FOOD POISONING ISN'T A JOKE I've been struggling to overcome food poisoning the last 2 days and may I say I'm glad to be up, around and able to eat something other than chicken broth. Here is the weekend blog I couldn't post: THE REPSONSIBILITY UTOPIA This morning I was catching up on my Sex in the City episodes and saw the one where Miranda found out she had Chlamydia. She was busy calling her past sexual partners telling them they should go get checked or risk passing it on – when one snotty guy tells her that he’d gotten checked months ago, did have Chlamydia and was fine now. She gasped “Why didn’t you call and tell me?!” He was fucking irresponsible that’s why. So I sat bundled up on the couch sipping my coffee while Joe was still asleep thinking about responsibility. Years ago there was this terrible massacre at Brown’s Chicken & Pasta in Paletine, IL that really rocked my world. It was Christmas time and everyone on the night shift was taken
I’ve got my weekend blog on my laptop at home cuz I wasn’t able to post it. For the first time (and probably for a brief time this weekend) blogger’s server wasn’t letting me in. Now onto today’s blog MY NIGHTMARE This morning I woke up from a very realistic nightmare. It was awful. I dreamed I was driving down Century Blvd. and for a moment took my eyes off the car in front of me. I looked up just in time to see the car in front of me stopped as it was trying to turn left into a hotel driveway. WHAM! I smash into their rear end and total my front end. I jump out of the car with my cell phone calling 911. The man I’ve hit is sitting in his driver’s seat staring at me with such virulent hatred I had to step back. “I’m so sorry! This is my first accident ever! I’m calling for help. Are you OK sir!?” He spits out, “You bitch you’ve injured me, I need a doctor. I’m going to sue you into oblivion – I’ll never have to work another day in my life. You are going to have to take c
WHAT KIND OF PLANET DO WE LIVE ON? I’ve always wondered what kind of planet we live on – more so after my frightening face off with a giant spider in 1995 which has left me completely scarred, but today I read this by James Gorman in the New York Times: "A 425-million-year-old fossil found in Herefordshire, England, may be the oldest record of an animal that is unarguably male. Scientists report Friday in the journal Science that the tiny crustacean, only two-tenths of an inch long, had an unmistakable penis. In their paper, the scientists name the creature Colymbosathon ecplecticos, which they say means swimmer with a large penis. David J. Siveter, a geologist at the University of Leicester, said that although this was his literal translation of the Greek, it may, like so many other references to virility in males, be a bit of an exaggeration. Colymbosathon, he said, was not remarkable among its group of crustaceans, the ostracodes. Some have copulatory organs one-third
THE EVIL CHOKING TURTLENECK Not much to blog about today except that I'm wearing a spiffy new turtleneck that I want to take scissors to. Or perhaps a match. I bought it because it is a soft shade of mocha brown, it's unique because it's almost shaped like a sweatshirt, but made of nice dense wool and yet had this cunning little turtleneck to keep me warm. How did I come to hate this simple turtleneck? Here's how: I threw it on this morning with a pair of black tailored pants and my new brown suede Banana Republic wedges because it matched the shoe color perfectly. It also perfectly matched the pendant Joe gave me for my birthday. The first moment of discomfort came when I pulled it over my head. Yowch! What the heck? I was still 3/4 of the way asleep and mulled over in my mind that perhaps my head had swollen during the night. The neck was so hard to pull over my head that I actually checked the mirror in my closet to see if I still had any makeup left on my fa
THE GUILTY PLEASURE OF DARK SHADOWS Every night Joe & I come home and check to see what TiVo has recorded for us while we were at work. Sometimes there are the strangest things that TiVo has suggested, but always there are 2 episodes of Dark Shadows the gothic 1965 - 1972(or so) soap opera that I used to love as a kid. All I can say is that as a kid I had no idea how bad it was. It is so incredibly bad that it comes full circle back to fabulous. Not Jonathanon Frid who plays Barnabus Collins who can pretty much perform his scenes without completely fucking up his lines, but everyone else must be carefully watched for their marvelously bad acting - like porno acting, bad porno acting. But the fact that there are vampires, ghosts, witches, disembodied heads, curses, and a panel of the stupidest looking frat boys who play "the elderly 1890s township judges" for our constantly ongoing witchcraft trials makes it unlike any other show. There are no second takes so they
MY PASSIVE HOLIDAY DECORATING FUN The day after Thanksgiving is the day that Joe goes down to our storage locker and gets all of our Christmas decorations. This year was no exception. He is very into Christmas and I’m very grateful because while I have no eye for how to decorate and make the apartment look festive, Joe has his mother’s talent for making everything look wonderful. Prior to my relationship with Joe, I’d attempt to holiday-ify my apartments and never had any luck. One year I taped garland all over the place, which started to droop and fall down about 9 hours after I decorated and by Christmas it was a hopeless mess which I was constantly tripping over. Then there was my year of tinsel. I bought icicle tinsel and rope tinsel and festooned the apartment until it looked like a winter wonderland… except that stuff is really static conducting and would migrate all over the apartment in clumps. Not only that, I unfortunately walked around with it clinging to my hair and cl
SLOW LANE MENACES & OUR CONCERT PIANIST X2?! Todays driving rant is about the slow lane on the freeway. Now, there are many reasons for driving in the slow lane: You're about to exit the freeway, you've just entered the freeway and haven't yet gotten over into the left lanes, or you just want to drive slow. Cool, whatever. But here's the deal with the slow lane, you have an obligation to assist with the constant merging process. Cars every few feet will be trying to get into or out of your lane because it is the lane that gets cars onto or off of the freeway – you, as an occupant of that lane have a fucking obligation to speed up or slow down enough to let cars in or out. Think knitting. Knit one car into your lane ahead of you, pearl two cars behind you. What you don't get to do in the slow lane is to keep pace with someone, oh, like say, ME who is attempting to merge onto the 405 and not let them into the goddamn slow lane. Doing the “I don't see