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Showing posts from January, 2004
STILL SWAMPED AND FEELING LIKE SHIT BUT AT LEAST I'M IN MY JAMMIES!
I've had to bring a ton of work home with me this weekend to prep for my trip to Vegas on Monday morning. The best part about bringing work home is that everything is better when you're wearing fuzzy slippers! So the only think I can say right now is that Zicam nasal swabs rock! I really do believe that they're shortening my cold and the duration and severity of my symptoms - just like it says on the box. However, I'm not particularly fond of the cold gel feeling just during and after application. It's kind of shivery - like I'm not feeling shivery enough what with my fever and all.

Back to the couch I go now, Joe has promised if I sit quietly while completing my project binder for Vegas that he'll make me an Atkins friendly breakfast.

Did I mention I've been doing the Atkins thing since last weekend? I'm fitting into clothes I haven't fit into in about 6 years. I've also…
SWAMPED AND FEELIN LIKE CRAP
Are ya wondering, “What’s up with Ivy?” Well, I’ll take these precious moments to whip out a quick blog to say: I’m so swamped at work I am using a trip to the bathroom as a carrot on the stick to churn out tasks.

Yes GotoGirl, you’ve received some of the lovely documents to admire. Suitable for framing yes?

I’m so swamped at work I’m delegating my ass off because one person couldn’t do it all on time. I’m also about to go from the frying pan into the fire cuz I’ve got to go coordinate an event in Las Vegas until 2/4 so I can’t imagine I’ll be able to blog much between now and then.

Also, I have a cold and woke up night before last with Joe applying a cold compress to my head at midnight. Apparently my fever was too much even for him to sleep next to.
Miserable. Not on the level of Danielle’s Encephalitis to be sure, but I’m not used to being sick!

Sniff
Ivy


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OUT OF MY RUT LAST FRIDAY & INTO LONG BEACH
So last Friday my colleagues and I were scheduled to attend an all day off sight meeting filled with information and team building activities. Instead of going to the office in Torrance, we were to drive to Long Beach – terra incognita for me to be sure. I had no idea exactly how to get there and don’t fully trust MapQuest after it has fucked me over on occasion.

Armed with a massive cup of coffee, several different sets of directions and my trusty agenda on the seat next to me I set off for Long Beach at 6:30 a.m. After passing my office on the 405 I continued south looking for any sign that said LONG BEACH, which was not easy because for some reason the further south I got, the more big trucks were obstructing my view.

When I turned onto the 710 freeway I had to brake hard because the onramp was at a standstill. Once on the 710 I inched along looking for my exit sign and was now swamped in a sea of the biggest trucks I’d ever seen. Thes…
OK everyone can stop correcting me - the show is The Apprentice.

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DONALD TRUMP’S SHOW ‘THE APPRENTICE’
Last night Joe turned me on to his new favorite show: The Apprentice. Oh my God! What an interesting mix of attractive young people The Donald has chosen for his reality show experiment. Their perceptions of the skills they possess are extremely inflated which is quite intriguing when they woefully under perform and begin finger pointing. Some of the group is quite adept at finger pointing actually. Hmmm, could one actually make a career of being attractive and blaming others? What would a gig like that pay? What would you put at the top of your stylish resume?

“If you’re looking for someone to agree to create a flashy presentation but not actually lift a finger to do any work and arrive at the deadline complaining about how the copy room assistant must have deleted the PowerPoint file… then I’m the professional you’re looking for!”

Anyhow I lost all respect for two of the gals Omarosa & Katrina who don’t get along. However instead of being pro…
AM I TOO OLD TO GO TO THE MOVIES?
I have no idea when this happened, but last weekend Joe & I went to The Grove to see a movie and I realized I’m too old to enjoy the outing. Lovely theatre that the Grove is, it has beautiful sweeping stairs up to Madame Wu’s restaurant. All of the employees wear adorable retro bellhop outfits with those cunning little round hats. I should have enjoyed being out to the movies.

But no. We enter the aforementioned grand lobby and are engulfed in a sea of loud humanity. Masses of people are standing in wavering lines that people keep swapping for a better position. I follow the lines with a wary eye and see that some of the lines are made up of blind fools who haven’t noticed that their line does not end at a ticket agent. There was much consternation when one of the blind fools made it to the counter and realized they were in a line that went nowhere and had to squabble with the front person in an actual line next to them. None of the ticket agents …
NOTHING LIKE AN ACCIDENT TO WAKE A GIRL UP IN THE MORNING
No, not an incontinence type accident. I didn’t wet myself or anything. Honest. But this morning I dragged myself out of the nook of Joe’s arm and threw on my robe. It was actually cold this morning. I rushed around doing all my morning stuff and noticed while brushing my teeth and staring out the window that it had rained last night. Ah-HA! That’s why it was so freakin cold.

While getting ready I kept going over to prod Joe so he’d wake up on time and finally with him slowly migrating around the bed in as effort to wake up I headed out to work. Christ it was cold and wet this morning – probably colder than I realized cuz I was still approximately ¾ still asleep. I mean, to be honest it wasn't cold for Chicago standards, but it was California cold.

I zoomed along La Cienega on autopilot. While sitting at a red light I hear
Ssssshhhhhhh BANG! And the black truck next to me also sitting at the light bumps forward about a foot…
MUSHROOMS AS NAMES
This weekend I was reading a cookbook that had a very interesting section on mushrooms and read a blurb of it to Joe who was industriously putting old photos and mementos into scrap books (Stop you say? Ivy and Joe are just way to fast what with these types of scintillating activities? Yeah, I know try to keep up.)

So I’m reading the mushroom tidbit to Joe and he replies without looking up from his labors, “Why do mushrooms have such afro-ethnic sounding names? Matsutake Johnson has just been drafted by the Miami Dolphins. Morel! I know you heard me call you to dinner and get your sister Chanterelle! Shiitake honey I’ve got to give you props on those braids.” They do sound like names and just like I do frequently, I wondered what is going on inside that beautiful head of his…

Ivy


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PAYING FOR DEPRIVATION?
Frequently I think to myself, “Girl you’re in the wrong business!”. You know, when you pay $20 for parking and consider the rich life you could lead if only you owned a parking lot which is apparently a license for gouging people who need to park. Or when I used to visit my ex-husband in prison where you could only eat from their bank of vending machines which charged $6 and up per soggy snack and I’d consider the rich life I could lead if a) I wasn’t married to an inmate ha! b) I owned the insanely lucrative prison vending machine franchise. Or when I’ve locked myself out of somewhere and have to fork over $50 to the locksmith who is smirking at me for being stupid enough to lock myself out of my bathroom (which interestingly enough had impenetrable locks and really impressive door jams).

So I’m reading the article today in the NY Times on the trendiness of people vacationing at ashrams that provide little to eat, no amenities like blankets, etc. and often make…
MY TRIPPY BRAIN
I don't know how many people do this, but often when I look at a house, building, row of houses or a street, I wonder if there is a missing person being held against their will behind any of those windows. I think of the pictures I see on milk cartons "Have you seen me?" and assume that they can't all be dead. Where are they? Are they in those buildings on that street? Are they in our communities? Are they next door?

I've heard statistics that say America has approximately 20 highly skilled serial killers at any given time who kill their victims and keep killing. That is a horrifying statistic which makes up a large portion of those missing people I'm afraid - but what of the Elizabeth Smarts who were abducted and kept alive? How many of those situations are existing nearby? Of course it isn't possible to just knock on someone's door and say, "Hi! We're going door to door nationwide looking for all of the people who have vanis…
A STUPID WAY TO DIE
So yesterday I’m heading home from work and I’m cruising along Fairfax doing about 40 sipping a Diet Coke to stay awake, and a car just alongside my left front tire swerves into my lane in front of me. I have no idea if she’d flipped on her signal since from my vantage point I wouldn’t have been able to see her taillights. I slammed on my brakes while staring in my rearview mirror to see who was going to rear end me and waiting for my front end to become a tangled mess with this maniac who was now partially in front of me. All the while I’m unable to remove the Diet Coke can from in front of my mouth – frozen in the realization that if my airbag deploys that it will drive this aluminum can straight up into my frontal lobe.

Why isn’t there more information warning us about the appallingly deadly combination of drinking from a can in front of an airbag? We have all kinds of warnings about not putting children anywhere near them or seating any ancient elderly passenger…
WEEKEND ODDS & ENDS
Let’s see… what happened this weekend?

Our pianist(s) upstairs were in rare form mid-day on Saturday and Sunday ripping through the most wonderful Italian classics on their duel grand pianos up there. It was the first time in weeks that I heard them both playing again. Really enjoyable and I clapped and hollered “Bravo!” every time they ended a piece. It was quite interactive and fun for me.

Now onto the down side of the upstairs pianists, little Alphonso was back Sunday morning and grew so frustrated with Camp Town Ladies that he started pounding Chopsticks until I thought I’d lose my mind. Things went from bad to worse when he hopped off the piano bench and started dropping that pool ball or what ever the fuck it is “CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK….” Until I loudly begged for him to drop dead.

Later in the afternoon as Joe napped I heard the most prolonged and horrifying screams coming from somewhere on the other wing of the building (bummer someone wasn&…
CHICKEN SALAD LUNCH WITH A SIDE OF EMBARASSMENT PLEASE
OK, it’s a slow day at the office. I’m waiting on responses to documents and phone calls I sent out this morning and time is ticking slowly as I wait. Traci my project management office buddy is experiencing a similar holding pattern and suggested we go out to lunch instead of my usual good girl Lean Cuisine eat-at-my-desk habit. Sounded good to me. She invited her daughter Stephanie (whom I’d never met) who works down the block along and we made plans for a quick, casual mid-day nosh.

So we cruise over and get Stephanie and head to a local diner. I can’t recall exactly how it came up, but I must have said something about ‘things always happening to me’ and she responds from my back seat, “Yes, I know, I’ve read.” She and her mother are both acquainted with my blog. We chat about blogging and I quip that I’ll probably blog about our lunch… you never know. The only thing I could have blogged about at that point was Stephanie trying …
MY SPIDER ENCOUNTER
OK, I didn’t realize that everyone who knows me hadn’t heard about my spider ordeal several years ago. The e-mails asking me what the hell happened can stop. Here is what happened:

When I looked at the little efficiency apartment on Bimini Place, my very cool landlord promised to replace the carpet and the kitchen linoleum for me. The kitchen floor had been marked when someone dropped a hot pot on it, there was kind of a melted area. I moved in and the carpet was there as promised, but the linoleum had been delayed. It was about a month after move-in that I arrived home from work to find two nice guys in my kitchen completely re-doing the floor. They’d ripped up the old surface and even gone so far as to pull up the plywood sub-surface so they could lay a new one. They told me that the old plywood had warped blah blah blah as I stood looking down into the dark creepy foundation beams/slats that had been untouched since 1928 or so.

I went about my business as they cu…
INSPIRED BY TANKBOY
While visiting Danielle’s blog and hoping she’d have a new post I started to peruse her links. I checked out Tankboy’s blog and found his list of Neuroses from December 28 and started to reflect on my own:

1. When I’m not living in a high-rise, I have to tie a string to my finger when I open a window in the apartment so I’ll remember to close it before a) going to sleep, b) leaving the house, c) taking a shower because someone could sneak in and hack me up like Janet Leigh at the Bates’ Motel.

2. When I leave or arrive home I lock all of the locks on my door, hey, that’s what they’re there for right? Doorknob lock, deadbolt lock and chain. Always. So basically the only time all my locks are unlocked is when I’m physically in the doorway.

3. I know I talk too much when in a social setting so if I’m going to give or attend a party I wear a ring or bracelet I’m not used to so it will catch my attention. When it catches my attention I remember to shut up. Doesn’t always…
THE WONDERS OF BURT'S BEES BEESWAX LIP BALM
For about a month I'd been experiencing chapped lips. This was something I wasn't really used to since thanks to the Walther twins I've been addicted to lip balm since the 4th grade. They got me hooked on Bonnie Bell Bubble Gum Lip Smackers and a Vaseline lip balm in Coca-Cola flavor. Since then I've never been without at least 2 flavors of lip balm and have in years past graduated to the lovely flavors of Rachel Perry cantaloupe.

I estimate that over the years I've supported a $300 a year lip balm habit (including lost balms) and that doesn't include lipsticks and glosses!

So even while skiing in Colorado I never experienced chapped or even dry lips because I'd slathered on the Neutrogena original balm made for Norwegian fishermen. I was always covered.

Anyway, about a month ago I started to feel that my lips were actually chapped and noticed redness around the very edge of my upper lip. Hmmmm. Not pleasant to…
BACK TO WORK AND WISHING I WAS HOME
Soooo, here I am, back at work, earning a living and hanging out with cool people. Makes me look at the fact that I'm a bit less social than I previously thought because after having 12 days to do whatever I want at any given moment, I miss the freedom and alone time.

What did I do that was so satisfying about spending lots of time alone (Joe had to work much of the time) you ask? Well, in no particular order: I wandered aimlessly around my neighborhood, had a spectacular Christmas eve, Christmas, new year's eve and new year's day, made homemade pasta all by myself (several times as I'm now addicted to not only the process but the noodles themselves!), spent an entire hour selecting a new nail polish shade at Walgreens, watched videos, napped, and lost count of the hours I spent reading the books Joe got me for Christmas. Read em all.

Now that I'm back, I need to earn enough money to keep my share of our roof over my & Joe'…