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Showing posts from February, 2004
STORM WATCH 2004? NO. POTHOLE WATCH 2004! Yes, we did finally experience a rainstorm the other night. Conveniently it started while Joe & I were enjoying dinner in our cozy apartment. It really got going in the middle of the night and the rain lashing our bedroom windows was so loud it not only woke me up, but I eventually put in earplugs to mute the sound of the uneven splats and ping ping ping. I find it so odd here in So Cal that as soon as the meteorologists spot rain clouds heading anywhere near our region, the news channels preempt everything with STORM WATCH! I recall STORM WATCH 2000 when rain slicker wearing reporters at large were posted on sidewalks saying things like; “Here at the corner of Gayle and Wilshire we definitely felt sprinkles in the last half hour. You can’t tell by looking at the sidewalk, but if you look at the windshield of our news van, you can see glistening moisture! Back to you at STORM WATCH 2000 headquarters Carol.” They interviewed people who
LIFE LAUNDRY I’m sure none of you will recall my Pack Rat disorder blog on September 28th, but I’ve long had a fascination about people who hoard junk. So doncha know that the BBC’s program Life Laundry (a predecessor of my buddy Peter Walsh’s Clean Sweep show) has captured my heart. Here is what happens: A therapist comes to the home of someone who is a pack rat and is alternately kind, firm, tough, reasonable and ruthless with the occupant. When I realized that the show was actually taking me into the homes of hoarders, I couldn’t look away. With TiVo I rewind and slowly zoom down blocked hallways, past teetering piles of broken furniture and in one case, a bathroom that was simply wedged full from floor to ceiling to the door jam with junk. The therapist opened the bathroom door and came face to face with a solid wall of toys and what-not. “What is this? A closet?” You should have seen the look on her face when the rat replied, “No a bathroom…we started storing things in the showe
WILL IT RAIN? I HAVE A WAIST! THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST? As I sit here at my desk on my 5th from the last day in Torrance. I’ve been staring out at the threatening sky and wondering how much more like rain it can look without actually letting loose with droplets. The horizon has disappeared and the daylight has an odd quality like back home in Chicago when everything turns kind of green before a tornado. Hmmmm. Could this be worthy of the STORM WATCH 2004 that has been all over the news this week? It certainly looks eerie. C’mon make with some rain & be done with it I say. The news of STORM WATCH 2004 is nothing compared to the news that today I have my blouse tucked into my pants and a stylish belt on. This is pretty fucking earth shattering since I stopped belting and tucking oh, say 4 years ago when the first roll appeared over my waistband. Then the progression was not only to leave blouses untucked, but slowly graduating to looser tops which made it difficult to ascertai
LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEW CHAPTER OF MY CAREER I’ve been slapped on the back and high-fived non-stop since announcing my resignation to my Torrance co-workers. Now my mind is free to throw open my imagination about my life without a commute, and a totally new facet of projects to manage! Sigh* Yesterday on my way home, as I sat staring at the awful sign that I’m normally staring at around 4:50 PM... Let me explain: On my drive home I experience a pattern that is repeated daily. The lights are timed and the speed limits are set, so we all end up sitting at the same lights and whizzing (if we’re lucky) past the same lights every single day. Anyhow, back to the sign: It is for a company called Body Rooters and beneath that uncomfortably descriptive name are further descriptions “Lose pounds of waste from your bowels! Cleanse your colon! Smell better! Feel better! Look better!” and if that isn’t enough, there is the added menu of some of what must be their most popular procedures, “
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IVY’S CAREER CHANGE Yes! I accepted the new job offer! Last night I arrived early to the interview with the company’s owner, but he saw me right away. The interview was rather informal in tone but surprisingly in depth. He certainly has the interviewing thing down, which makes sense since his company has experienced staggering growth in the past 3 years. After about 40 minutes he made me the offer and sent me to my pal’s office to hash out the particulars. When I popped into her office we both took a few seconds to dance and jump around and high-five one another before getting down to business. We’ll sneak in a couple of onboarding meetings to get me up to speed on my new project line and I’m scheduled to start work on March 2nd at 9:00 AM (GONE ARE THE DAYS OF WAKING UP AT 5:30 AM! CAN I GET A HALLELUJIA?!) I got home in 3 minutes LOVE IT! And found Joe laying on the couch starving, so I threw myself over the back of the couch onto his chest and fed him an enormously tasty dose o
WESTERN AVENUE OFF-RAMP & MY INTERESTING ATKINS EXPERIENCE This morning I’ve been studying the Western Avenue off-ramp on the Northbound 405 from my office window, and I’m convinced that this is the off-ramp for mindless lemmings. Sure, I’ve noticed the horrendous backups ever since taking this job in October, but today I’m really studying these folks who need to exit at Western. What the hell? Traffic builds up the ramp and then starts stacking up along the slow-lane and stacking up and backing up and then you hear the brakes and everything comes to a hault for about ¼ mile. Every so many minutes a light on Western must turn green and the back up begins to trickle off the freeway and then Whammo! Back up, stack up, screetch! My favorite test case this morning was what appeared to be an old Ford Tempo who was in the next lane over when he decided that he suddenly needed to exit at Western so he nudged the front end of his car into the parking lot that was the slow lane and lef
Oh my God Mia! You're right, somehow Blogger sets me up with advertisers that have words that match things I've blogged about. Jewish Prayer Shawls & Yarmulkes? This is the "coincidence" that has been freaking you out for some time! How have I missed that before? Not the queen of perception I have believed myself to be! Ivy All Red Ivy compositions, posts and blog content Copyright protected.
INTERESTING DEVELOPMENTS ON A GREY DAY I’m sitting at my desk, looking out on a completely grey day. My office is freezing so my fingers are slow on the keyboard. I’m still wearing my black leather jacket and scarf that I wore for my morning commute. There is no one around right now cuz they’ve all gone to lunch. I just finished a roasted chicken & sautéed veggie lunch and am now snacking on pistachios. Every few minutes I’m warming my hands on a cup of tea. All I want to do is go home, put on some flannel jammies, drag the down comforter off the bed & throw it onto the couch and lay around watching crap TV. Instead, I’m staring at the lot next to my office window and the forklift guys aren’t out, nothing interesting is happening on the 405 freeway and the sky is so leaden that I can’t see downtown or the mountains. Must be grey smog. Yum. What is preoccupying my mind is that recently a dear ex-colleague of mine has started talks with me, which could result in my taking
THE EXPRESS LANE BLUES Poor Joe, he’s gotten my cold and is really miserable. I, being his adoring girlfriend, decided to swing by Ralph’s on my way home last night for chicken soup and rotisserie chicken to make him feel better. I’m harried from traffic, lugging my briefcase and a shopping basket as I dart through the aisles with tactical precision. Soup – check. Chicken – check. Bottle of Smirnoff for me – check. I ignore the new fun Loreal nail polish display and jump into the Express checkout line. Now I’m juggling my briefcase, my coat which I’ve taken off, my very heavy basket and I hear the gal who is being checked out say, “Are these the diapers that are on special?” The clerk stops to pick up the diapers and examine them. “No, these are the toddler size. It’s the infant size that’s on sale.” “It doesn’t say that in the flyer.” The clerk leaves to go find a flyer at the Customer Service counter. I shift my load and begin to doubt my decision to purchase the extra larg
A CERTAIN KIND OF LAZINESS This morning as I stood brushing my teeth I found myself staring at a quarter that was lying underneath our bedroom chair. Half asleep I realized that I’ve been staring at that same quarter when I brush my teeth for the past couple of months. I put the toothpaste on my brush, run the brush under water and then as I begin to brush my teeth, I turn around and stand in the bathroom door and stare at that quarter. It must have gotten there when I came home one day and while emptying my pockets to put my pants in the laundry – and being the spaz that I am, I probably launched change all over the bedroom and this quarter rolled under the chair where it now lives happily. This isn’t the first time I've registered this particular type of laziness in myself. The type of laziness that makes me stare at an object that doesn't belong on the floor and not do anything about it. When I was young and one of my chores was vacuuming I could be vacuuming up a
THE COLD IS GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY URGE TO BLOG OK, I’m not as sick as I was recently, but other than plugging through my work at the office and trying to rest at home in the evenings – I’ve had no urge to blog. That is good I guess since between those two narrow activities, I’ve had nothing to blog about. But here is the one exciting purchase that has been taking up a decent portion of my mind: Joe’s birthday is coming up next week and I know he’s not 'techno-guy', but I bought him an I-pod! Did I mention he doesn’t use a Mac? – however I was assured that a PC will do just fine. What would make me spend the cash to get my sweetie a cool MP3 player he doesn’t know he wants? Wellll, he did mention it the other day while reading the paper, “Hey, look how cool and small these I-pods are.” Other than that comment, he's never mentioned one. Also, even though we’re slow to adopt new technology, we love it when we get over the hump and actually buy something new. Also, if w
TERRORIST TERRORIST MAN? YOU BE THE JUDGE Back to my departure for the Vegas business trip. Oh the excitement! So, post nosebleed, I’m sitting at the gate and glancing around to see my fellow passengers when I see 1 row of seats over, a guy of some sort of Middle Eastern descent who is around 25 years old wearing a crocheted yarmulke. He is wrapped around and around with Hasidic Jewish shawls so he looks like a big black & white snowman. He puts down an orange and black backpack and begins to slowly unwrap one shawl at a time, and while doing so, he is praying softly. Each shawl gets folded carefully and kissed as he stuffs it into the backpack. As he gets down to one of the last shawls, I see that he is wearing a black t-shirt that says “Koffee” and both of his arms are wrapped in spirals of black electrical tape from his wrists until they disappear beneath his t-shirt sleeves. Hmmm. Perhaps he’s not a typical guy, perhaps he’s Mr. Terrorist Terrorist man! Not that I've e
I’M BACK AND WHAT A TIME I HAD HEADING TO VEGAS BABY! OK, so I woke up on Monday morning at 4:50 a.m. to make my LAX shuttle on time. Then while washing my face I got a massive nosebleed (thank you nasal swabs!). I grabbed tissues to hold against my nose, but I could tell that it was substantial and wouldn’t stop bleeding anytime soon. With only about 15 minutes till departure and a sleeping Joe snoozing peacefully unable to help, I started pulling on my jeans and clothes with one hand. I ran down to my lobby and the shuttle was waiting. Strange the driver didn’t say a word when I apologized for my goriness, “Sorry for the gobs of tissue, I got a bloody nose…” I was the first person on the shuttle and away we went through the dark street into Beverly Hills while listening to bad French techno music, “Pour Toujours! Tu Amore! Ooh bebe!” While the driver ran inside The Peninsula to find the next passenger I had plenty of time to wonder why someone who had enough money to stay at