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Showing posts from March, 2004
DOES IT TAKE COURAGE TO LEAP TO YOUR DEATH?
Today in the paper I read the following:

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EL CAJON, CALIFORNIA -- An elderly man recently diagnosed with a brain tumor leaped to his death from a vintage airplane he rented to celebrate his 88th birthday, officials said Tuesday.

Joseph Harold Frost took off his safety belt at 300 to 400 feet, stood up in the open cockpit of the two-seat biplane and went over the side Monday, despite the pilot's efforts to stop him. "I think that was Dad's idea, to go out in a flash of glory," said Robert Frost, who had helped arrange the flight on a biplane similar to the ones the elder Frost flew in World War II.

He landed on an apartment patio.

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Picturing Mr. Frost's leap reminded me of the scene in Amelie where her mom gets killed when a suicidal tourist leaps off of one of the towers on Notre Dame cathedral and lands on her. I sat and th…
HIKING SMARTER & PLAY DATE WITH BENNET
Last Saturday I again hiked with my client and her bevy of fitness pursuers with one distinct difference: I stopped 3/4 of the way up the mountain. I was huffing and puffing for about an hour at that point and decided not to repeat last week's foolishness. Ah. Much better! I sat for a few minutes resting and then stretched for a few more. After sipping my water for about 20 minutes or so the team came back down and I walked to the bottom with them. See? I do learn from my follies.

So my pal David was out of town for the weekend and Joe & I signed up for play dates with his cool dog Bennet on Saturday & Sunday from 3 P.M. to 5 P.M. Other friends had earlier & later time slots. Upon my return from the hike Joe & I drove over to Dave's place with the keys he'd given us. We had a Hell of a time getting his apartment door open, but we'd been warned about that. The Benster was quite excited about his walk so we got hi…
RICHARD SIMMONS IN THE NEWS
Living in LA, I'm sure I'm not the only one who frequently runs into Richard Simmons. The first time it was a surprise, but now it's just another day in the neighborhood. Ah, let me recall the first time… I was at the Beverly Center. My strategy for going to the Beverly Center is to be the first one in the parking lot if possible. I zip through the parking structure all the way around until I'm in the space closest to the exit ramp. Then I take my coffee (now decaf) and hang out in front of the store I need to shop at until it opens. I shop strategically and vroom! I'm heading to my car as the place starts becoming a mad house of shoppers of all sizes, shapes and smells. I dodge the traffic mess in the parking structure, jump in my car, reverse a few feet and accelerate neatly down the exit ramp! It's the only way to shop there. But I digress…

So, back to my story. I'm sitting on a bench outside Williams-Sonoma watching the first …
FEELIN BETTER
Whew! Today I'm feeling much better. I'm walking by people and paying no attention to whether they stop talking or not. I'm back to my self assurance that they couldn't possibly be shutting up because of me.

However, I ran and picked up kitty treats for Evadnae today on my lunch break. Who the Hell am I? Kitty treats? Yup. I must say in my defense that last night while Joe was watching the Laker game, I was bored so I started hand feeding the cat and he was so fucking adorable munching and nuzzling my hand that I honestly can't be blamed. Evadnae is clearly to blame. Is he manipulating me for food? Clearly. Is he really working me by coming up with new ways to stretch out and grab my hands and toes? Obviously. He should be ashamed of himself. And tonight will he pull out all the stops to get as many of those treats as he can that I'm lugging around in my purse now? Well, he wouldn't be my boy if he didn't.

However, this evening before going…
FEELIN OOGY
Ever have one of those days where you just feel vulnerable, nerdy, unliked? Well, I'm having one of those days. I feel snubbed. I want to be small, invisible and going wherever no one else is going.

While walking through the office this morning a conversation stopped as I passed. Did they stop because of me? While walking into the restroom a co-worker let the door slam on me, rather than nicely holding the door open for me to come in too. Was that intentional? While waiting for the elevator to go to the deli downstairs a group of co-workers came into the foyer and continued having a lively conversation but never turned to include me. Did they intentionally exclude me? Inside the elevator they huddled talking with their backs to me. Don't they like me?

So by the time I got to the lobby and headed to the deli I was crushed to see they were heading in the same direction. They've never not been pleasant to me. Today I'm just feeling oogy. So I studied my cuticle…
WE'RE CAT OWNERS & HIKING LIKE YOU MEAN IT!
Saturday morning Joe & I got up early and drove to Santa Monica to meet my client and a bunch of cool folks bent on exercising. We were going to hike with them and enjoy the beautiful weather, scenery and basically hold hands & stuff. All I can say is "thank God I've been exercising every day" or I'd never have made it up the mountain and certainly not back down. Oy! My heart was pounding in my ears and I kept lagging farther behind until even Joe bounded ahead and left me. So it was quiet time in my head as the beauty all around me took a back seat to my mantra "left foot right foot left foot…oops stumble ow! right foot…stagger…left foot…"

Then on the way down I discovered that fatigue leaves one particularly vulnerable to slipping on gravel and loose rocks. Ow. Joe would wait for me every 15 minutes or so and helped me limp to the car as we waved goodbye to all the cool exercising folks. They were…
ROSEANNE BARR AS COLUMNIST?/SAD HAIR DAY/THE CHOPSITCKS FACTOR/THE PASSION OF THE CANDIDATE?
In today's LA Times I read a column written by Roseanne and was thoroughly entertained. I don't know why, but I've never thought of her as a writer. True, she is writing about being a white trash homemaking consultant, but I would read a column by her regularly if she decided to be a contributor.

My hair is back to its wacky waves - after working out yesterday I looked in the bathroom mirror evaluating whether my scalp was sweaty enough to truly have to shampoo. I was so torn by wanting one more day of stylish glossy tresses. However, as drops of perspiration trickled occasionally down my temples I knew I had to suds away the hair-do. The upside is that the color is still spectacular.

I was pleased to see that a familiar face from IEC has come onboard my new company: Olivia! We had several "good-bye" parties as she departed IEC for adventures in New York, but now she'…
THE CAT QUEST AND SONIA DOES IT AGAIN
Saturday Joe & I head into Agoura Hills for our plan to get a cat at PetSmart. We arrive just as they're setting out cages of kittens & cats of every size and color. OK, I'm not a cat person as I've said before, but I was moved by an adorable charcoal gray kitten about 10 weeks old named Meringue. I'd move my hand near her neck and she'd arch her neck over and scratch herself against my fingers. Such a coy little thing!

Joe didn't like Meringue's color of gray. We played with the cats for a bit and then headed over to a nearby shelter to check out more cats. The shelter had a big room of cats that liked to be around other cats and they were lying all over the place on cat apparatus. We spent the better part of the morning approaching and playing with cats of all sizes, ages, colors, and temperaments. Joe found two adorable females - a multi-colored one and a little black one that ran right up to him. I liked them…
GETTING A CAT & A NEW CLIENT
I'm not a cat person. I'm a dog person. Or more specifically, I'm a large dog person. I tend to own St. Bernards, Great Pyrenees, German Shepherds (people used to exclaim that our female white German shepherd was the largest they'd ever seen). No little yappy dogs for me! I love a dog I can wrestle with, one that is perfect for calling up onto the bed on a frigid winter night to warm your feet. I spent my formative years going to school with dog hair clinging to me cuz I couldn't resist getting the floor and playing with them.

Sure, over the years I've owned cats: Mercutio, Loch Nar, Midas - but in recent years I've developed allergies and my eyes itch, and my throat tickles when I'm around cat dander.

Joe & I live in an apartment that doesn't allow dogs, but happily allows cats. Recently Joe played with some kittens at the Beverly Center pet store and has been fixated on getting a kitten. He's taken to callin…
IVY'S RULES FOR EATING OUT
I just read an article in the LA Times – yes, I do read papers other than the Trib – about people who are rude in restaurants. While reading I winced because it really struck home for me. My first job when I was 14 was as a hostess in a Mexican restaurant. My duties were to divide the restaurant evenly into as many sections as we had wait staff that night. As customers arrived, it was important for me to evenly seat the customers so that each section received the same number of patrons. This served to avoid slamming one waiter which would result in poor service and ultimately poor tips, as well as angry waiters who’d shown up and were now standing around making no money.

Patrons should know this, but it seemed that no matter how I divided up the restaurant, people wanted to sit anywhere but where I lead them. They’d throw fits and point out all of the other tables, or simply walk where the pleased and sit down. Even if the table didn’t fit their party. T…
PASSION SILLINESS FROM MY PAL DAVE:
From The New Yorker, March 8, 2004: The Back Page By Steve Martin

STUDIO SCRIPT NOTES ON "THE PASSION"

Dear Mel,

We love, love the script! The ending works great. You'll be getting a call from use to start negotiations for the book rights.

-- Love the Jesus character. So likable. He can't seem to catch a break! We identify with him because of it. One thing: I think we need to clearly state "the rules." Why doesn't he use his superpowers to save himself? Our creative people suggest that you could simply cut away to two spectators:

SPECTATOR ONE
Why doesn't he use his superpowers to save himself?

SPECTATOR TWO
He can only use his powers to help others, never himself

-- Does it matter which garden? Gethsemane is hard to say, and Eden is a much more recognizable garden. Just thinking out loud.

-- Our creative people suggest a clock visual fading in and out in certain scenes, like the Last Supper bit: "Thursday, 7:…
THE WONDERS OF iPOD & MY SHOPPING SPREE
This weekend I watched in awe as Joe played with his birthday present: the adorable iPOD. True to what I’ve always heard about Mac products – the interface was simple, intuitive and user-friendly. He moved back and forth between his office and the CD rack, selecting cool CDs and putting his favorites on the iPOD. As I was sweating and swearing to Gillian & Teigh along to their ultra cool “Yoga Booty Ballet” workout, I eyed the little iPOD casually tucked into the waistband of Joe’s shorts and decided that I want one too! Dang!

While showering, I vowed one day to get an iPOD for myself – but not before I bought a new spring wardrobe. I kissed Joe goodbye as I headed to The Grove on a What Not To Wear mission. I noticed that my wardrobe is sadly lacking in pastels and pathologically heavy on blacks & washed-out-black-kinda-grays. I selected clothes to try on with a critical eye and selected items I’ve never worn before. Some worked, lot…
INCORRECT ADAGES
OK for everyone who has e-mailed me here are the correct adages:
For all intents and purposes (those purposes could be intense but that doesn't change anything)

Eat your cake and have it too (it is no trick to have it & eat it, but to eat it and still have it left is really magically having it all)

Music soothes the savage breast (yes, not beast although there are probably studies about playing easy listening to zoo animals)

You don't raise children, you rear them. You raise farm animals.

And the point is moot because our language is all going to Hell in a handbasket.

Ivy

All Red Ivy compositions, posts and blog content Copyright protected.
THE NEW JOB
OK, so my first day was a whirlwind. I had a meeting with my team first thing in the morning and then a conference call with our client. She was really impressive. Then it was scramble to get my e-mails and review documents before we raced across town for us to film at the client’s home. Ask me how ironic it was that I didn’t have any commute to the office and found myself in bumper to bumper traffic at 2:30 on the Santa Monica freeway. Ha ha ha on me. The filming went really well and then off to Century City to film the client at a book signing. Man she is a pro. I wasn’t home until 8:45 PM, but that was enough time to grab some clothes, kiss Joe & cruise off to stay the night with Marianne. We stayed up and chatted about the new job till midnight.

Yesterday we got up, had breakfast and drove off for Marianne’s chemotherapy treatment. It was a nice, bright, airy office and the other women there getting treatments were really cool. I found myself actually having a great…
I'm here at the new job, had a great meeting with my client this morning and found out that we're filming at the client's house today at 3PM and then her book signing tonight. Whew! This is a pretty exciting first day. More tomorrow as right now I'm running to grab something to eat.

Ivy

All Red Ivy compositions, posts and blog content Copyright protected.
MORNING RADIO CALLERS
This morning, on my last commute to Torrance, I was sitting in traffic listening to bad radio shows. They were playing bad music, airing irritating commercials from irritating sponsors “you’re killing me Larry!”, and when the DJs would take a call, the callers all did the same irritating thing.

Example: On KROQ, Kevin & Bean were making fun of my buddy Ralph because of his penchant for collecting Batman TV series memorabilia. They asked people to call in who also have the collecting bug.
“We have Jimmy on the line who collects Star Wars junk. Jimmy, what do you own?”
“Yeah, how’re you guys doin?”
“We’re good Jimmy. What Star Wars items have you purchased?”
“Cool, good, yeah.”
“Jimmy, you’re a Star Wars collector are you?”
“Oh, yeah, I’ve got…blah blah blah wookie blah millennium falcon blah blah…”

Example: On STAR98.7, Jamie & Danny were taking callers about the current Average Joe show plot twists.
“Here is Carol who thinks that the show is mean spirited.…
WHY WRITE AN ARTICLE IF YOU CAN’T WRITE?
I just finished reading an article in the Chicago Tribune about that missing family in Mississippi and the fact that a family member is being questioned, but it was so poorly written that I have no more information than I did before I read it. I’d say that is a rare talent indeed – to use 80 or so words on a subject and convey no discernable information at all. If you can’t tell us why, then what about any of the 4 other w’s: who, what, when or where! Jeeze! Writing an article should be pretty simple. Step 1: You get information. Step 2: You type the information in a neat and concise manner. If you can’t do that, don’t become a writer.

THE WEEKEND AND OSCAR NIGHT
This weekend Joe & I took in the new Diane Arbus exhibit “Revelations” at LACMA! Wow! It was really something to see all of her photos displayed alongside her notebooks, cameras, lenses, and correspondence. Man that woman had a lot of thoughts & ideas didn’t she? Her head seemed …