Showing posts from June, 2004
iTUNES PERSONAL PLAYLISTS & PERMANENT STRAIGHT HAIR CAN BE BOUGHT OK, those of you who've been playing around on iTunes for a while now already know this, but recently I saw that there was what appeared to be an album by a muppet character from Avenue Q - the Tony winning broadway musical. I clicked it to find a little message stating that this would be what the character had on his iPod. He had an eclectic array of songs. Interesting. Last night I saw that they had a playlist from Jeff Bridges. Veddy veddy cool. One intriguing song after another. I found out that he is a fan of the super cool Sam Phillips - I've got an album of hers from the 80s [Holding on to the Earth] that I've always loved. Jeff buddy, you're a guy I could hang out with! On to my hair. I recently found an incredible hairdresser who does the Japanese system of hair straightening. Two weeks ago we did a test strand to see if my hair would break off. $50 ouch - but my hair didn't break
STOP THE REPETITION AND ANSWER THE QUESTION! This morning while propping up a dozing Joe (who went to a midnight showing of F9/11 without me, his beautiful and interesting partner and got a whopping 3.75 hours of sleep) and pouring coffee and breakfast into him - I became increasingly annoyed with the voice over for every commercial that aired. Swipes of different people saying: "I flew American Airlines." "American Airlines." "American Airlines." "American Airlines." "My choice is American Airlines." "American Airlines." "My airline is AMERICAN Airlines." Voice Over: "FLY AMERICAN AIRLINES!" Gee I didn't follow, um, let's see if I grasp their convoluted and hazy message… there are lots of ways to travel, get where you want to go, like to romantic get-aways or career-making business trips, and I could decide to see the country on a train, or in my trusty ol car, or get cozy with the hygie
PICTURES THAT NO ONE WANTS & LETTERS TO READ IN A DISTANT DECADE Recently Joe went down into our storage locker to grab a gym bag that I no longer use. I'd stored old letters & junk in it so I pulled all of that out and put it into a grocery bag until I could go through it. I discovered tons of old photographs. First I must preface this paragraph by saying that I love to take pictures, but have absolutely no photographic talent whatsoever. Not false modesty, I'm the queen of blurry, pointless images where no one looks good. Oh sure, by sheer odds, I occasionally take a nice shot - but it's a rare surprise. Anyhow, after recently seeing an episode of Life Laundry where the therapist is making a hoarder/packrat purge photos by only choosing the best of each occasion ("You can't keep 23 pictures of Evan in his high chair eating cereal. Just choose 1 and throw the rest out.") I looked at all of those packets of forgotten photos and decided to go th
WORKOUT AMUSEMENT, WEEKEND WHAT-NOT, AND TURNED AWAY AT FARENHEIT 9/11 This weekend was a typical two days of Joe & Ivy happiness. We got our chores done, we ate really well and loved each other. What else can I tell you about the weekend before you barf from gagging on the sugary "We love our life" shit? Well, I popped in my client's Power Push Cardio rehearsal tape which won't be available to the public until it is actually filmed this Fall and had the most intense cardio workout of my life… but so many laughs that I had a ball. It was just filmed on her back patio and there she is kicking butt with just a little boom box, pile of weights, exercise ball and mat. At my request she videotaped and delivered 4 workouts and I did them all in various combinations Friday, Saturday and Sunday. My abs hurt so bad that I'm averting my brain from anything that would cause me to laugh - my abs twinge in pain at the thought of reacting to mirth. Help me. I hurt but
I'M ALL OUT OF WHACK TODAY This morning my alarm rang and I turned it off, scooped Evadnae under my chin and curled up falling back asleep - grateful that it was Saturday. Being woken up two hours later by a frantic Joe (who relies on me to wake HIM up) was the start of my whacky day. Every meeting that was on my schedule today has been re-scheduled more than once and some of them didn't send me a new Outlook invitation so I didn't know when and where to show up so my phone keeps ringing with, "Hey, we're in the executive conference room, can you come down?" After one of these scrambled meetings I arrived back at my desk with my voice message light blinking. But my phone won't ring through to check my message for some reason. Our office admin has called to have it checked. I just got back from a re-scheduled meeting that was in our head of production's office, but she wasn't there so I sat for ½ hour waiting for her and reading yoga m
WHO ARE THESE BANDS? I WANT TO CRAM THEM ALL IN MY EARS! OK, I admit it. I've been in a music rut since um, let's say 1989. Concrete Blonde is the newest music in my record collection. Yes. Record collection. I do have a CD player, it came with my turntable, but the only CDs I have were gifts from friends. I know that this seriously dates me. It was never clearer than when Joe & I were moving into our current apartment. I was in our elevator holding a big stack of albums when a girl turned to me and said, "Are those LPs?" a bit defensively I replied, "Yes - now go and get yourself some Doobie Brothers." "Who is Mott the Hoople?" she muttered reading one of the spines. Sometimes Joe & I go into Barnes & Nobel and put on the headphones and listen to CD samples, but due to some personal blinders that have been on either side of my eyes, I've not grabbed anything that I haven't heard on the radio. Oh, maybe I've scanned an
THE DEFINIATION OF "ASSHOLE" If you're driving down La Cienega which is comprised of two lanes and you keep hopping into the parking lane on the right and then causing people in the right-hand driving lane to slam on their brakes as you swerve into their lane and cut them off… you're an asshole. Nope. No excuse asshole. You're not blind. You see the parked cars and yet you dangerously hopscotch into and out of the parking lane as if all of us in the actual DRIVING lane don't have important destinations. I was inching along in that right lane this afternoon while running a quick lunch errand and wondered why my lane wasn't moving. I wasn't getting any closer t the light at Olympic which I could see way up ahead was functioning normally. The left lane was moving, but not mine. Then upon close inspection I saw people zipping past in WHAT WAS NOT A LANE and then nudging into my lane in time to make it through the light. I say, "All you ri
DEMONIC WHITE CHICKS & CALL A CHIROPRACTOR FOR THOSE KIDS! Is it just me or do Shawn & Marlon Wayans look like demons in their make-up and pale contact lenses? I mean, Gwenneth Paltrow looked somewhat odd in her fat get-up for Shallow Hal, and Lord knows that Mike Meyers looks very odd in his outfits for the Austin Powers movies… but Gwenneth & Mike never looked like they could float outside your window in the middle of the night scratching to be invited in (little homage to Salem's Lot). Krikey! I was sitting in my fun little beetle at a stop light this morning when a bus pulled along side me and I caught a glance of the "White Chicks" billboard right up against my passenger window out of the corner of my eye - big giant demons giggling - I gasped and flinched involuntarily inwardly cringing. Holey Schamole! Looks like they want to rip out my ceratoid artery! Please don't tell me that they think blonde white women look like that… Also spotted this m
I SING OF THEE PAPAYA! I just ate the best fruit of my life. An entire papaya, flown in from Hawaii. It was a totally transcendant taste sensation. It must be the best fruit ever. True, lately I've noticed that tomatoes don't have much flavor, apples are mealy, oranges are woody and not particularly orangy... so maybe my expectations have been lowered. I was totally unprepared for the loveliness of the papaya. Actually not being very good at even knowing one tropical fruit from another (OK, I've got pineapples & coconuts down but that's about it) I picked up the papaya with uncertainty. I wouldn't have picked it up at all, but after reading "What Color is Your Diet" by Dr. Heber, I've been cramming as many colors into Joe's and my diet as possible. I was carefully selecting my reds, whites, yellows and greens in the produce section and that's how I ended up with a papaya in my cart. I'd have ended up with a mango, but it smel
ROCKET MAN - YESTERDAY NEWS Well yesterday Michael Melville rocketed off planet earth, glided back safely and today has already slipped to page 3 in most newspapers. What do you have to do now a days to get a good old fashioned ticker-tape parade? What with all the shit going down politically, what with us telling our allies to fuck off basically on most of the pacts previous presidents had signed, what with us spending so much on our current war budget that soon we won't be able to loan any money to desperate countries and thus no longer have them incentivized to play nice with us… we could use a real daredevil hero to cheer. Pilot Melville deserves a big assed celebration! With buttons showing his smiling -if somewhat elderly- face, and slogans like 'SpaceShipOne Zoom Zoom!' Yesterday morning while sipping my coffee and half-listening to the news I heard for the first time (a dismal lack of media build-up?) that Pilot Melville had strapped a rocket on his ass and
NO MORE PIECE-OF-CRAP FORD ESCORT! Yes, there's a new Ivy-mobile! I bought a VW Beetle! I didn't set out to buy one this weekend. Honest. For a while Joe & others have been telling me that I deserve to buy a fun car and that my 99 Escort has served it's purpose. While not ready to buy a new car, I did agree that I do indeed deserve a fun car. Last weekend we looked at Mini Coopers over in Century City. The dealership was tiny and kinda shabby. We were met by a pimply-faced young man- I'm thinking 19-years old- who was pleasant, but not really. I told him I like the bright colored Minis and I need an automatic transmission. He told me I had my choice of eggshell or black (what part of bright colored didn't he get?), and he couldn't take any orders for other models until, gosh, he just didn't know when. I drove the black one, and although I love the outside of the car (if it were a bright color), and the console… I found the controls to be chintzy
THE TERMINAL TRUE? SHUT UP! Holy Cow! I just read that the new Spielberg/Hanks movie that they're endlessly plugging is based on a true story… that is if the New York Times is to be believed. ------------- [The premise of The Terminal is] Viktor Navorski (Tom Hanks), on a long-anticipated visit to New York from the imaginary Eastern European republic of Krakozia, arrives at J.F.K. just as a military coup abolishes his country's government and renders him effectively stateless. A complicated (and somewhat implausible) web of bureaucratic glitches and regulations strands him at the airport, where he remains for nearly a year, unable to board a flight home or hop a cab into Manhattan but innocent of anything that would warrant his detention. He is at once utterly trapped and completely at liberty. (His predicament is loosely based on the real experience of an Iranian traveler marooned for a much longer period in a Paris airport after the fall of the shah). -------------------
WHAT? NO GOOD CRAP TV? LET'S INVENT SOME! Damn! For the last two nights Joe and I have been in the mood to curl up on the couch after dinner and enjoy some good crap TV. But alas, the shows we've asked TiVo to record haven't been on so it's been recording Hispanic pre-school cartoons to try to give us something to watch. We've been robbed of the joys of Jeopardy since the idiot who has been winning for oh, like, 9 straight nights Ken Jennings is a machine with no personality whose monotonous correct answers and monotonous amassing of money is like bamboo shoots under our fingernails. So we just tune in to see if he's still the champion and then begin the surfing for good crap TV. Nothing. No "Unsolved Haunted Histories" which reveal chilling stories of hauntings, keep showing the same swinging chandelier over and over again with over-the-top Boris Karlof-esque narration "…the evil presence has been felt by visitors for over 100 years…" a
COMCAST BAD! SKY COMPUTER SERVICES GOOD! So, this weekend Comcast came over to hook up Highspeed Internet access for Joe & I. A fella named Bee took my RCA modem+router combo out of the box, snaked a cable from our existing Digital Cable box to the modem+router and gave me paperwork to sign. I told Bee that I'd hired a computer company to arrive on Monday (yesterday) to hook our computers up so that everything worked. He said, "Good because we're not allowed to touch anyone's computers." He left a packet of information and wrote down a registration number and access number on an envelope. Then he left. Yesterday Lance Yamamoto from Sky Computer Services arrived right on time. A very nice guy, dressed in a nice shirt and tie, he even took his shoes off when entering our home. It only took Lance about 15 minutes to get Joe's computer up and running, with immediate and very fast Internet access. Then the Internet access was interrupted. In a
DARING AMPHIBIOUS VEHICLE CROSSING I just have to comment on Sir Richard Branson's crossing of The English Channel this weekend in his super impressive amphibious vehicle- and my comment is in the form of a question: HOW COME HE DIDN'T SINK, WHAT WITH THE ENORMOUS WEIGHT OF HIS BALLS? That man has cajones! Big brass cajones. Did you see how low the AV sits in the water? No, not just water - OCEAN!? There he was zooming through the waves as they crashed over the windshield and over the doors… SPRAY! MIST! SPLASH! SLOSH! On and on it went for 90 minutes! After a couple of minutes I'd have reconsidered whether it was reasonable to rev it up to top speed and careen across the waves Hell-bent for France. But no, there he was "YA-HOO!" just skipping along like some deranged Gilligan heading out of the lagoon on a coconut shell raft - at least it looked just as unsafe. You GO Sir Richard Branson! At least you didn't let your staggering fortune t
MY RE-WRITE OF THE ENDING OF MYSTIC RIVER Many of you know that I have a serious emotional reaction to movies or books that involve violence toward or mistreatment of helpless or innocent people… so imagine my horror about 90% through Mystic River when Dave's (Tim Robbin's character) wife Celeste crumbles under the weight of her confusion and fear and tells Jimmy (Sean Penn's character) that she suspects he may have killed Jimmy's daughter Katie. So the Savage brothers take Dave out for drinks and I hop up from the couch telling Joe I was going to wash dishes until the inevitable was over. Bad timing when I came back in time to see Jimmy kill Dave while Dave is gasping that he didn't kill Katie, in fact he'd killed a child molester that he'd caught in the act of raping a young boy in a car. And Holy Christ! The only thing I can say about Laura Linney's character Annabeth is that she is about as cold as anything I've ever seen in film! Shit! A
CORN CHIP AS HAT? OK, I'm not kidding, but this morning I popped by a co-workers desk to check on a document and he turned to open the file on his computer and there was a corn chip in his hair. I glanced to his computer screen and then ZOINKS my eyes blinked back to the snack food on his head. He's not the kind of person to play a practical joke "This'll be funny, I'll put a Dorito in my hair and see if anyone notices it..." but I'm not really friendly with him so I was incapable of saying, "Why do you have food in your hair?" So he is earnestly talking to me about the document he's pointing at on his computer and I'm really focused on the chip. Not an entire chip, but a good 1/3 of a full Dorito or Tostito (but not shaped like the Scoop variety) and it is perched... no nestled into an unruly wave/curl near the top of his head. Hmmmm... how do you manage that? Did he rip open a bag of chips and they flew everywhere - one landing in
WASTED RENTAL OPPORTUNITIES OF REDICULOUS PORPORTIONS AND DIE IN PRIVATE While perusing the Chicago Tribune this morning I found this Associated Press article titled: -------------------------- Man's Body Lies Undisturbed for 20 Years "TOKYO -- The decomposed body of a man dressed in pajamas was discovered in an abandoned Tokyo apartment building 20 years after he is believed to have died, police said Thursday. A Tokyo Metropolitan Police official said construction workers were preparing to tear down the building earlier this month when they found the man's skeletal remains laying face-up on a mattress on the tatami reed mat floor of a second-floor room. The morning edition of a newspaper dated Feb. 20, 1984 was on a table nearby and a calendar, opened to the same month, hung on the wall, said the official, who refused to be identified. The official would not say how the man died. Newspaper reports quoted police as saying that there were no signs of strug
WHITE TRASH TACOS That is what I'm making for dinner tonight. Joe is so excited! The first time I made this dish for him he had no idea what to expect. As a kid, this was what my father used to let me and my brothers and sister make when we used to stay with him on weekends. At ages: Ivy 10, Barb 12, Lloyd 7 & Matt 6 - we'd help grocery shop and then gather in the kitchen to make this marvel of flavor and grease. First, brown some ground beef. No flavoring added please! Second, cook the soft corn tortillas in vegetable oil until cooked but very limp - set aside on paper towels. Next, chop iceberg lettuce and tomatoes Finally, grate Colby cheese and set out hot sauce and sour cream Only dad used the hot sauce and us kids used catsup. Here is my personal white trash taco: Pile ground beef, cheese, sour cream and catsup on the corn tortilla. And eat it in 4 bites which is just enough time for the grease to drip from my wrist to my elbow. Yup, Joe's pretty ex
VEGAS PLANS, WIRELESS INTERNET MIGHT BE OUT OF MY REACH & THE AUDITION I know, it's cruel of me to have left the Help Me Rhonda lyrics up for an entire week - but I couldn't help but giggle at the thought of everyone popping on my blog and seeing that I'd not updated and then WHAM-O! "Help me Rhonda" leaping back into their brains! Evil of me… mwhaww ha ha! So what have I been up to these past few days? I'll tell you. I booked a flight to Vegas for a girls vacation that Mia, Lana and I are taking this summer. I'll be flying in early so I can check us in and then meet them as they arrive. I remarked that I'd probably be down the strip in the Sephora store when I'm supposed to meet them, but Mia just laughed and explained to me again who I am. I had to agree with her and we planned that I'd be in the bar drinking by the time they arrive at Noon or so. What will we do in Vegas? Chatter incessantly as we catch up on recent events