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Showing posts from October, 2004
PHYSICALLY IN LOS ANGELES, MENTALLY IN CASTINE MAINE
Joe and I leave for Maine in t-minus 2 days and counting. Mentally we're already gone. Joe has stopped rushing around between work and Krav Mga and meetings. Now he's just slowly packing in the evenings and taking hot baths. Except last night when he was with the guys watching the end of the World Series and playing poker. He came home late with $60 in ill-gotten gains.

I have started packing as well. Last weekend I went and got our storage key to reclaim all my winter clothes. I was so excited to pull out all my fluffy sweaters only to find that they're all HUGE! Yes! When last I saw them, I was about 40 lbs heavier! I was so sad to hold up the charming Kelly green v-neck that I bought last October only to find that I could fit another person in there with me. I put it on and while I walked around the bedroom going from mirror to mirror it actually swung back and forth on me like a big bell. So much for me looking all ad…
WHY BUYS THIS SHIT? AND WHERE'S HANNIBAL'S STASH?
I just got back from my bi-daily run to the deli downstairs, and again thought while passing our pitiful excuse for a 'gift store' in the lobby, "Who on earth would buy this shit?" Even while hurrying past in a flight of hunger, I see no-name boxes of chocolate that couldn't possibly taste good when fresh, collecting dust and occasionally sporting new marked-down price stickers.

Ewww stale marked down chocolates that must be so disappointing to bite into. These illicit bon bons sit cheek and jowl on shelves with faux plastic "turquoise" jewelry, and candle sticks in the shape of angels.

I'm pretty sure that nothing sells in this shop… except Lottery tickets. What a waste! I'd be down there all the time spending money if we had a Drug Store in our lobby! Nail polish! Lip Gloss! Bath Gel! Teeth Whitener! Lip Balm! which leads me to…

Hannibal is a stone cold thief. He notices any little thing…
HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL BUT BROTHER PUH-LEASE!
OK, I just got back from the deli downstairs and - well - I'll just tell you exactly what happened:

I'm standing in line at the counter while my eggs are being scrambled (with spinach, tomato, mushrooms & avocado YUM) and there's quite a crowd all trying to get some food too. I notice this big giant icky man; sweaty neck and upper lip, really bad short hair cut that looks like he took a trimmer to it himself and gave himself some oddly spaced bald areas, slovenly clothes and when I say big, I mean BIG. He looked like a refrigerator with a head on top. But a big soft meaty fridge. I take notice of him because the line is supposed to shift to the left toward the cash register once you've placed your order, but he won't budge so everyone keeps having to shuffle around him so won't hold up the line.

A beautiful young woman slips around him and stands between Fridge and me. She's watching her bagel being toasted whe…
IVY & JOE ROCK THE VOTE AND OTHER NEWS
Last week Joe & I figured out that we'll be vacationing in Maine when we're scheduled to vote in the presidential elections in California. We panicked for a minute and then ran to get our Voter Information Packets we'd received in the mail and found our application for absentee ballots. Whew! They arrived last night and we filled them out carefully and now I sit proudly at my desk having mailed them this morning well in advance of the 10/26 drop dead date. Yay!

So, many of you might have heard about the big killer storm here is So Cal that swept through over the last two days. Ooooh scary! Yes, I admit we had rain, enough to wash the dust off my clown car, but not enough to need an umbrella during the day. True, a 19-year old was swept away, but he was 'Darwin Award' stupid enough to be hanging out in a Wash in Topanga Canyon. Honestly, I don't know why every time it rains in California someone drowns in the LA Rive…
THERE'S A REASON THERE'S NO ORAL VICK'S VAP-O-RUB
I just tried my new toothpaste: Aquafresh Extreme Clean (with micro-active foaming action) and couldn't figure out why I felt deep confusion while scrubbing away. It's mentholatum flavor. Odd. I mean, spearmint OK. Wintergreen check. Peppermint good. But menthol? My mind tied it to all the times in my life when I've had a cold. Then I made the leap to other times when I'd tasted that flavor, Halls cough drops, but when you're sucking on those, you're usually so plugged up that you can't taste very well.

I examined the text on the tube and bingo! No flavor is listed! It simply states: "Teeth feel clean & smooth and your whole mouth energized with an icy cool, sparkling feeling that lasts long."

I'm no queen of punctuation to be sure and I mix tenses and metaphors with wild abandon, but this is a blog! I'm not creating text for something someone puts in their mouth! How vague c…
HAPHAZARD YBB FLAILING & THE IDIOT FACTOR
Yesterday my daily office workout group; which consists of a gal from QA, an editor, our retail marketing guru, a gal from HR, a gal from media - and moi - decided to do the new Yoga Booty Ballet ADVANCED workout. Yes! Much anticipated! We popped in the CD and started the workout - everything going really well, then we hit the cardio dance part. All I can say is "off the hook". We were all on the wrong foot, doing Bad Kitty when we were supposed to be waving bye-bye, bumping into each other, and having a blast. Good thing none of us care what we look like when we're working out… but to my horror, I pivot around to do the funky chicken with leg kick combo and see that the gym door was wide open!!! ARRRGGHHH that means that someone opened it saw us! Oh the embarrassment! I yelped, "The door!" and they all turned around and shrieked. There was a rush as we all swarmed the door and slammed it. Too bad it doesn't lock…
A FEW THINGS I LEARNED OVER THE WEEKEND

1) If you are either blind or unable to draw with accuracy, DO NOT WORK AT A COSMETIC COUNTER. How did I learn that one you ask? Hmmm, well, while Joe was doing his Fabulous Sunday of NFL Fun - you know, the extravaganza where he moves back and forth between channels on TV and the Internet for hours - yeah, I know, good times. Anyway, so while Joe was doing his thing, I went back to Nordstrom to exchange a foundation shade that was a scoch too dark for my pallid complexion. I'm patiently waiting for my turn and the nice gal at the counter is suggesting shades to a woman and her friend. Then she carefully applies an eyebrow pencil on one of them and shadow on the other. They look into the mirrors and at each other and then both say, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Gee, that was kinda rude. Couldn't one of them have purchased something after taking up the sales girl's time? So it was my turn and she couldn't have been more graci…
LIFE THROWS A MARVELOUS CURVE BALL
Well, today is Joe's & my 6th year anniversary and we're celebrating by 1) admiring the giant screen TV that Joe got us for our present and 2) deciding to get another cat as Evadnae is way too lonely. Even when we play with him for an hour at a time, when we move away to do something, oh, like say, take a shower, he runs after us and perches on the edge of the shower with mist spraying him in the face… very sad.

Here's the marvelous curve ball. I just found out that there is the possibility that we'll offer the journal that we've created for my product as a retail as a stand-alone book. Hmmm, something new and exciting. So I'm sitting at my desk moments ago and my client calls and says, "Hey Ivy, I think I've found a publisher. They're called Hay House and Louise Hay thinks the journal is cool.

Wooops PLOP I fell out of my chair.

OH MY GOD!!! LOUISE HAY???!!!! YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE LOUISE HAY???!!! HEAL YOUR B…
STOP THE PINGING!
It started a few weeks ago, inside the parking garage at my office: the pinging. It's like the sound effect you hear when you're watching a movie that takes place on a submarine PING TENGPING TENG PING TENG
I got out of my car one morning and put my hands to my ears. What on earth was that?

I looked all around the crowded garage and it didn't appear to be anyone's car, I looked for headlights blinking or something. Nope.

That night I came down to leave work and the same awful ultra high-pitched sound was continually assaulting me. I asked the attendant what it was and he just shrugged.

Well, we've all heard by now that it's a ventilation system that has been installed to suck out carbon monoxide, there are metal boxes attached to the support pillars that signal each other audibly to turn fans on and off.

WHY IS THAT ACCEPTABLE?

Designer: We've come up with an exhaust fan system that will make the air quality in underground garages better.

P…
LUNCH TIME WEIRDNESS
Geeze! I should have just ordered lunch to be delivered! I got into one of our rickety elevators to go down to the deli for lunch. On 9 a normal-enough looking woman gets on and asks me, "Do you know of a good place for lunch nearby?" I reply, "Sure, there's a good deli in the lobby." She looks offended and rolls her eyes, "Oh my! No! That's WAY too expensive!" I'm pondering how a deli can be way too expensive since they even sell ½ sandwiches to order.

She persists, "Is there another more REASONABLE place nearby?" "Um, yes, there's a little diner at the corner." She looks stricken, "Oh! You're joking! Now THAT'S EXPENSIVE! They GOUGE you!" I mumble as I'm getting off in the lobby, "The diner has blue plate specials that are quite reasonable…"

Silly me, I'd thought that she was looking for food nearby. She really should have asked another question like, "Do yo…
DEBATE ACCOMPLISHED AND PET-SITTING?
The debate went just fine. Dave as always took good care of me with a delectable selection of cheeses and I found rum and coke to be a refreshing libate. After just the right about of Bennet love (not as much licking the make-up off my face… doesn't he like my new Clarins foundation?) we got down to business.

Did you know that with the wonders of TiVo, you can make a debate last well into the night? Sure, here's how it works. A question is asked and Bush makes a face and immediately everyone hollers for Dave to PA-TOK back to see the face again and everyone comments. Then they proceed to the answer, but find a mispronounced word just too marvelous to just hear once so everyone hollers for Dave to PA-TOK and we hear that slaughtered syntax over a few times and have a good laugh.

And on it went. I even went out for Chinese food down the block because I had the vague plan of getting enough food so that they couldn't talk because they'd …