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Showing posts from November, 2004
RIGHT TURN HELL ON WILSHIRE & THAT'S NOT A RING How long has it been since I've had a good driving rant? Well, the drought us over people! How dare I rant about driving when I no longer have a commute? Impossible you say? FIE! This morning I took Wilshire Blvd to mix things up. I mean, it has three whole lanes instead of the one lane on 6th that is my usual route. I cruised along my few measly blocks in the right lane and am approaching my right turn to the office parking lot. So far, no complaints except the clown car's CD changer doesn't like my Salsa CD and keeps generating breaks of silence punctuated by loud salsa interjections. Not very calming… So I'm in the right hand lane about a block before I have to turn and the car ahead of me breaks hard. I break hard. The cars behind me break hard and begin to fling themselves into the middle lane to get around us. Much horn honking ensues. I look to see what's happening in the car ahead of me… the passen
HOUSE HUNTING CAN’T KILL YOU… BUT ARE WE STRONGER? We had an appointment to see a town home in Pasadena yesterday morning. Why would we look at purchasing anything so far from both our jobs? Well, our agent lives in Pasadena and she LOVES Pasadena and we can’t get her to look for listings in the areas where we DO want to live until we allow her to show us Pasadena. For months Joe has been asking her to look in Beverly Hills, West LA, Los Filez, SilverLake… and it’s always the same thing, “Before I show you anything in those areas, you really MUST see Pasadena!” So we scrambled around yesterday morning doing chores and errands in order to meet Madge and pay our “So. Cal buyer” dues. You’d think that because we’re the ones ponying up all of our savings and signing on to pay for many many years without fail – come Hell or high-interest, that we’d be the ones to get the respect… but no. It was cold and blustery yesterday. I didn’t mind it, I have plenty of huge warm sweaters to layer o
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE O Dr. Onoda that is! He's my fab chiropractor - absolutely the best! I'd slacked on my exercising while in Maine and took about a week after getting home to start up again. True to form, I did a little too much with my dumbbells and got my neck and shoulders a bit out of whack. After 3 days of no improvement, I went to see Dr. Onoda. How cool is it that when you go to a chiropractor, you get instantly better? They don't ask a bunch of dumb questions while sitting on the other side of a desk and then scribble something illegible on a scrap of paper and send you to stand in a long pharmacy line to start you on the road to relief - which could take days. No! He asks good questions like, "How did you hurt yourself?" and "When I turn your neck this far, is it uncomfortable?" Then his assistants put the electrode "buzz" patches on my sore muscles and warm compresses and then some massage thing gets used and then some big indu
RIP OUT YOUR TAGS & IF YOU CAN'T BE SPECIFIC, DON'T ASK ME After getting dressed this morning I found myself adjusting my waistband to alleviate the discomfort of an itchy tag. I'm going about my morning chores and no matter how I scootched my waistband - up, down, slightly twisted to the right - nothing worked. Great, these beautiful pants are only tolerable for 20 minutes and then I want to rip them off my body and burn them. Well, I did rip them off my body (first having to rip my boots off my feet, nothing more frustrating in this lifetime than trying to remove pants OVER shoes) and I grabbed a seam ripper and went to town on the offending tag. Now they're quite comfortable no thanks to the person who selected the nasty tag and was instrumental in having it sewn into the waistband. What kind of person grows up with a love of clothing and goes to design school and spends possibly years in the cutting room doing time for some other designer until they get
DANGEROUS SALMON, DON'T DEPLOY GRAMMA & THE WALK I've been craving fish like crazy lately. Salmon in particular. For the last few days I indulged myself an average of 4 meals a day non-stop-salmon. I know, whenever I enjoy that coral-colored fish, Jennifer Galloway flashes in my mind with her alarming mercury warnings. But not alarming enough to make me stop eating it. I had chicken for dinner last night, and a lunch of smoked oysters on Saturday, but otherwise it was all SALMON BABY! So this morning I'm down in the lobby deli ordering salmon and eggs when a coworker approaches me and says, "Salmon eh? I was on Dr. Perricone's complexion diet (salmon diet) for a while and my doctor begged me to get my mercury levels tested. Finally I did and got a call from the FDA if you can imagine. They wanted to know what I'd been in contact with that gave me such high mercury levels. I'm so toxic with mercury that they were considering what kind of warning I s
AND THE WINNER IS… IVY! Today I'm obsessed with winning prizes. Not just a door prize at a Mary Kay home facial party. Not just a 5% OFF Next Pharmacy Purchase on my receipt tape at Ralphs. I'm talking real prizes. It started when a co-worker who is new to the company remarked, "I can't wait for our Christmas party. I've just come from [insert name of one of the largest global mega companies you can think of here] and at their Christmas parties they gave away great prizes. Usually cars or boats." I almost dropped my coffee cup. Now those are prizes! (I pictured opening my little raffle envelope and car keys and a pink slip dropping out) I thought about the woman who owns the lodge we just stayed at in Castine. She loves her Nissan Pathfinder and said she won it. I asked how and she said she was with her daughter at a convention for snow sports equipment; snowmobiles, snowboards, etc. and filled out a card for prizes being rewarded by some new snow sports
PSSST! HEY BUDDY, WANNA BUY A MAN HOLE COVER? I must get to the bottom of this mystery. This afternoon in the Chicago Tribune the top story is that there is a crazed manhole cover thief operating in the greater Chicago area who is wantonly snatching them off the streets. Make that out of the streets. It's being described as "a rash of thefts". I started pondering what purpose could these hot covers be used for other than the ones that they were created for? Some big piece of art that is designed to be a big 'fuck you' to Chicago's Department of Water Management? Hard to say, but even harder to believe that the some guerrilla artist would be nuts enough to display it and therefore what good is art if it isn't exhibited? Does art really exist of it isn't displayed? Ooh, d'ya see what I just did there? I went to a kind of chicken-or-the-egg-tree-falling-in-the-forest place in my head. OK, now I'm back. After describing these thefts as &qu
THE XRK JUNIOR FETLOCK 2000! AND DISGUSTING TOYS Over the course of our relationship, Joe's hair has evolved from a soft style with a little curl here and there, through the "tight on the side, longer on the top" through the Caesar-do, through a military look and as of yesterday morning he's sporting what he calls " The XRK Junior Fetlock 2000 !" Yes, it has an exclamation point. It's a remarkable, yet old school wonder of buzz trimming and fading that is appropriate for someone just inducted into the US Army - but with a cunning little bit left a scoch longer in the very front. He'd achieved something similar a few months back, but the front was left a tad bit longer and when he arrived home to ask my opinion I'd remarked, "Why do you have a fetlock on the front of your head?" Not being raised with horses, Joe doesn't know that a fetlock is the curl of hair that is always trimmed off from behind the horses hoof for show. I quickl
UNIVERSAL BACKLOT AND PROUDLY I SHOW CONTROL Last weekend I had some guests from Canada who wanted to experience Universal Studios and how could I refuse? I think I delivered the full Universal experience. We had the extremely long lines and that was just to get into the parking area and find a space to park the little green clown car. We walked for miles and that was just getting from the parking structure to the Universal Studios City Walk. Then we walked some more. We walked past throngs of obnoxious tourists, around people who stood with cameras pointed in our paths but taking forever to focus, we walked through massive gluts of unwashed people. Finally we snapped a quick pic of them smack in front of the Universal Studios globe and got in line for a ticket to enter the park. Hours later, we were walking down through the park to get on the rides and I was wishing I'd heeded Joe's warning to bring sunblock -it was quite warm and the sun was beating down on us. I rode Jur
IVY CATCH UP We're back from Maine and WOW! What a great vacation! OK, first we had to get through the full day of travel on Halloween. Up early, pal Nick drove us to the airport because he's the coolest and we got to do the security strip for the amusement of the LAX personnel. For any of you that don't know this fact about Joe; here it is: He HATES To Fly. Hate is a pretty strong word, but then again, his feelings about flying are pretty strong too. Joe gets nervous and smokes like a chimney and doesn't sleep for 24 hours before he flys. This makes him a bit jumpy and confused during the actual flights. But the flight to Dulles was smooth and uneventful. The one thing that kept us busy giggling was our United Airlines purser. She was of some Asian heritage and didn't quite speak English. She'd make sounds sort of like our English words, but not really. So she'd make the announcement: "Peas ha caa weh ope th ove he bi ah conten meh ha shif duri f