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Showing posts from June, 2005
MAYOR DALEY'S THE MAN!
God I just love my ex-mayor! He has decided that since he loves flowers, that there can't be enough in Chicago so he's found money to put them everywhere. He loves riding his bicycle so he's created a cycle depot near the train station so people can shower and store their bikes when the bike to work down town. He shuts down Lake Shore Drive every now and then to have everyone bike on it. He wanted a beautiful park where the old train tracks were in the center of Grant Park so he shook down all the richies (hello Oprah) for millions and now he has Millennium Park, which is staggeringly amazing. He didn't see any real use for Meigs field which was a military airstrip on the lake so in the middle of the night he sent a big bulldozer thingy to gouge a huge X across the strip rendering it useless by morning. Now after much hullabaloo from the pentagon, he's making it into a recreational park. He decided to put cameras on crime ridden corners to…
CHUCK-E CHEESE MAKES EM CRAZY & OOPS MY HEAD FELL OFF
Today's Chicago Trib has a story that details a recent bloody brawl during a birthday party at Chuck-E Cheese. A little girl kicked another little girl. Instead of making the kicker apologize to the kickee, the kicker's and kickee's mothers start kicking and scratching which escalates to the fathers getting in on the argument and kicking, punching ensues… which leads both father's buddies to get in on the action and bring it up to full on brawl. When one of the fathers is clearly getting his ass kicked, an impartial bystander attempts to end the fight and guess what? The bystander and the losing dad get stabbed. Lovely family memories to be sure. Picture their photo album, "Here is Patricia's 7th birthday. Isn't she pretty? She got so many presents. Here we are at the hospital, that's not her blood, no, that's Harold's. Here we are later that night posting bond on the mele charges. Here …
CRAP TV, TRUNCATED ARACHNEPHOBIA BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT MADE ME HURL
Saturday night while snuggled into permanent positions on the sofas, Joe and I scoured the cable channels for SUPER Crap TV. We weren't just looking for crap to watch, we were looking for seriously crappy viewing pleasure. We were ebullient to find a police chase video that featured a fugitive driving 100 miles per hour down logging roads if you can believe that. I was extra pleased that there was no chance in Hell this asshole could injure innocent bystanders or collide with another car as it was 2:30 in the morning and oh, did I mention that these logging roads were remote? No? Well, shut up, why would I? No one logs in an urban setting, um because we've wiped out all the trees and have to go to very remote areas to hack and slash our way through the precious remaining trees.

Anyway, my favorite part of this particular chase was the ongoing attempt of the pursuing police to summon back up.

100 MPH Cop Car: Ye…
OH! ALICE! FELLOW BLOGGER MET SONDRE!
http://finslippy.typepad.com/finslippy/2005/06/what_i_did_this.html

Shut up Alice! You got to meet Sondre Lerche! And say hello and hear him play! You are my new hero! Yes, he is cute. Yes, he is young. Yes, I had the chance to go see him when he came to LA... but as I blogged, I couldn't bear the big concert and the expensive non-guaranteed seating rules. I totally would have gone to see him at a record store!

I weep with jelousy!

Ivy


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IT'S SHAKIN IN CALIFORNIA
Hi, um, God, it's me, Ivy, and I'd like to just say that I acknowledge your might and majesty and awesome forces you wreak on nature but could you fucking lighten up on the earthquakes here in So. Cal? Probably shouldn't swear when speaking to God but I didn't take his name in vain and fuck! These fucking earthquakes are freaking me the fuck out.

Last Saturday at 8:30 A.M. I experienced one that rocked the large high-rise building we live in. Each Saturday I get up early, pad into the living room naked and curl under a blanket I drag with me watching Food TV and slugging down iced coffee until I've had too much and am jittery by the time Joe wakes up and wants breakfast. Anyhoo, at 8:30 I'm well into the jitter zone when the sofa starts moving and the shades are banging into the windows and Hannibal leaps under my blanket trying to disappear under my knees… EARTHQUAKE! I never remember what type of trembler means you should get in a …
COFFEE AND CRYING
Mmmm I'm enjoying a really beautiful cup of coffee right now. Isn't creating the perfect cup of coffee akin to alchemists turning iron into gold? You have to consider the factors that no 2 beans are the same in body, bitterness, intensity and general coffee-ness. Then how much cream is just right? How much sweetener? What to sweeten it with? If you're out and your normal cream/sweeteners aren't available… it becomes more difficult to create a great cup of coffee because you're working with unfamiliar tools. I end up sipping and adding and sipping and adding and at times, what I'm adding is taking me further and further from the taste I'm trying to achieve. Honestly, I recently found myself trying to make a decent cup of coffee in Jiffy Lube's waiting room and must have resembled a cave woman trying to hack open a chicken with a river stone. Ugh, sip, ugh, sip, grimace, sob, sip, ugh. In the end I ended up just pounding it down and it wa…
MORE NEW VOCABULARY - CARE TO TWERK ANYONE?
Yes, twerk.
As in "she's twerkin it" "twerk that" "twerk wit it" and my favorite "whistle while you twerk". Sutek & Twerk are musicians that are everywhere now and I must say, their song "Stuck a Safety Scissors Remix" sounds fascinating!
So I ran and asked my professor of new slang what it means. Apparently it is a combination of twirling and working it on the dance floor. Similar to krunkin' but less into the whole vibe and there's twirling involved if my prof can be trusted.

Also, a Shortie is a woman or girl… even if she's tall as in "5 foot 9 shortie's so fine she's dancing right on time, she got her hands on her knees and her bos on her thighs…" which if I'm picturing it correctly has shortie bent over and shakin her ass in a most slutty manner because bos are slang for elbows. And on the dance floor you can throw them bos around if you're lo…
PED-O-FETISHIST
Today I am wearing a simple beige skirt and burgundy top with a pair of beige high-heeled Isaac Mizrahi sling backs. I traipsed down to the deli in the lobby and grabbed some breakfast this morning and paid no attention to the man in line in front of me. He was a short Hispanic man in a Slingshot Messengers t-shirt. When I paid for my purchase I walked down the main floor corridors and pressed the button for the UP elevator. Mr. Slingshot sidled up next to me and a small crowd of men joined us with assorted cups of coffee and bagels. I got on and pressed the button for the top floor and at each floor people pored out. Finally it was me and Mr. Slingshot who I still hadn't really taken in.

Messenger Man: I wanted to ride with you and I finally have the chance to be alone together.
Me: Mmmm excuse me?
MM: with you, and your shoes, alone.
Me: Wuh?
MM: I must tell you that I've been liking your shoes in the deli…
Me: My shoes?
MM: they are so beautiful...
Me: Thank you my b…
HELP IT'S METH MOUTH and I GOT YOUR PENCIL
I just read the most disgusting article (accompanied with large color photos thank you very much -- in case the lurid details weren't conjuring up the proper ghastly images or something?) about the increase of ravaged teeth, gums and jaws currently confronting dentists in middle U.S. states where methamphetamine use has gotten out of control. The teeth turn soft and black and twist in their sockets until it appears that "the teeth have been attacked by a hammer…"

My favorite part of this NY Times article is where the writer acknowledges that these unfortunate patients for some reason don't complain of dental pain. Hmmm, could it be because they're meth heads? Maybe that's it. A dentist did say that the actual twisting of the ravaged teeth is likely due to the gnashing and grinding of teeth common to those indulging in methamphetamine. When it got to the part that explained that the enamel softens until the teeth ar…
LACTIVISTS?
Every major news agency is featuring stories today about lactivists who are protesting all over the place in an effort to be welcome to breastfeed in public. Each article is laced with a smattering of quotes like "breastfeeding is natural" "no one denies that breastfeeding is the healthiest thing for babies" even Starbucks who is terrified that the lactivists will harm their business is quoted "What's more natural than coffee and milk?"

OK, people, let's not go too far here. I've sat quietly by the side of dear friends who were breastfeeding their babies at the mall when the infant got hungry and cranky. We were carrying on our conversation normally, but we both could see people on the floor above peeking uncomfortably over the railing at us, or people darting their eyes to the ground when they realized what she was doing.

Yes, it is something that women have done since the dawn of mankind but even though a lactating breast is a means…
RADIO REVOLUTION
Remember when I first discovered all the music I'd been missing? Remember how angry I was at radio stations who pumped the same songs into my head over and over year after year? How the songs that were the only thing on the air in the 80s came back around again as "flash back" in the 90s and then "oldies" in 2000?!

Well I just read about the effect iPods and MP3 players are having on radio and that the old format of playing the same PLAYLIST of songs for years isn't so very popular now apparently. People are turning to an entire world of music, sounds and auditory experiences - which isn't helping the old fashioned radio stations that need to be popular in order to sell advertisement at top dollar to survive.

To that I say "HA!" HA! For all of the morning drives that I had to listen to exactly the same songs and the evening commutes that I had to listen to exactly the same songs and to the hot summer afternoons that I lay in the …
KRUNKIN' ON Wi MY BAD SELF
I just ran into my 19 year old buddy while listening to my iPod and picking up Joe's dry cleaning. He pointed to my headphones, "Ivy, you gettin krunk?" I smiled broadly, "Yes. Yes I am."

Let's conjugate my new favorite word:
I krunk
They krunked
One krunks
We're krunkin'



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FALLING
Recently I haven't been blogging, I've been spending time focusing on Joe who is having difficulties with depression. Hell, I don't blame him, I mean, after all, he's performed a super-human feat daily just by being my partner this past 7 years. And I can tax a person to their limits - you don't have to tell me. But work, stress, the horrors of swimming through the tides of Los Angeles and everything else is currently having its effect on him.

God knows, over a decade ago I went through my own bout with depression… I'm not sure you can call it a 'bout' since it had me in therapy twice a week for 2 years, and pretty much consumed by my feelings the other 166 hours each week. There just comes a time for most of us, when we fall down I guess. But then the lucky ones get back up and keep living this thing called life.

The cherry on the cake of my weekend was realizing that I hadn't had any water for most of the day yesterday while I was sitting in …