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Showing posts from May, 2007
HEY! MORE THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME
Got a few comments that my list of things my mother taught me was pretty skimpy so all the lessons & skills have been coming to mind and hovering over my head like little soap bubbles. Come, let's look at these irridescent bubbles won't you?

Ah, this first bubble is not really a lesson or a skill, but an ethic. The ethic called "work". Mom looked at me when I turned 13 and said, "You're too old for an allowance anymore. Go get a job." So I did, and as you read ad nauseam when I started my blog - I've worked some pretty fucked up jobs and often more than one at a time since then. Of course she had never had a job her entire life until her last years when she decided to join the wonderful world of waitresses. I'd plead with her to take a job that had her sitting down more, but she wouldn't hear of it.

The next shiny bubble is how to chill. Yes, I am gifted with the ability to chill for days at a time. I th…
JANE ANNE BERGSTROM
If you're looking for laughs, just read this first part.
Mom called me a few weeks ago while I was on my way to Ralph's to pick up some groceries.

Me: I'm about to head into the store. What's up mumsy?

Mom: Oh, before you do, I just have to tell you this joke I heard. A lady brings her dog into the vet's office and asks that it be checked.

Me: Right, dog at vet's. Got it. Why is it being checked?

Mom: Well, the dog is dead see? And the vet tells her that. But she refuses to take his word for it.

Me: Got it.

Mom: Yes. So the lady says, "You could be wrong! Aren't you going to do any tests? But the vet says, "No, I can see your dog is dead and tests are very expensive. Just pay me $10 and I'll have your pet taken care of." But the lady insists on further proof that her dog isn't just playing dead. So the vet steps into another room and comes back with a tiny kitten. He sets the kitten down on the floor next to the dog and …