Showing posts from April, 2010
WHAT HE SAID I know I rail against people ruining their own language on occasion, and I have that adverb thing, but I just can't help it. There is a song that plays every morning and every afternoon on my commute that is like an ice pick in my brain. "Nothin' on You" is a song by Bruno Mars and I can't get away from it. Question: How do the words 'Wondering' and 'Redundant' rhyme? I'll tell you. Answer: When you sing "I was wundrent if it's redundant..." Ah yes, Bruno only thinks he has the English language in his grasp, so he's rhyming all kinds of things that DON'T rhyme just by mispronouncing them. Unfair I say! Poets MUST rhyme. It is their job. They produce what is called prose . Why does this guy get a hit song just by fucking with pronunciation? Well, he also says this beautiful girl that he's singing about is so awesome he can only describe her like this: "Girl you're fantastic and you pay y
THE ANGELS REALLY WORK! I've been the lucky host of angels who arrived at the house at 11:30 on Saturday. I was instructed what to say to welcome them as I opened the front door, I had my 3 wishes in an envelope that I placed an apple on top of and a white flower next to and lit a white candle near. It's been a wonderful experience and next Saturday I'll open the door and tell them the specific addresses and names of the 3 next people they'll be visiting. But I feel kind of greedy because I was granted a wish that I never would have dared hope for. No, it's not making me a kinder person, no it's not freeing me of my demons, no, it's not making me a more generous person (those were my 3 wishes)... I've learned that The Food Network is launching The Cooking Channel this month! Now I'll have cooking shows available 48/7! This is such a blessing I just don't know what to say! Do you think "Thank you angels" is sufficient?!?! Come to
BACKYARD TAILS AND A SOCIALIZING PLAN This weekend was lovely in the back yard. Planting, watering, the swishing of cat's tails as they lounged in the shade... and Babette's appears to be growing back. Yes, Babette. She's the chicken that we're fostering. A really gorgeous gal. She's red and golden and cream colored. Hudson found her walking down the street and when he couldn't find her owners, he brought her home. She nibbles cracked corn, coos, and occasionally stretches out her wings in a spectacular fashion. Sadly, the life of an urban hen is fraught with danger and something got a hold of her tail. She only has 1 tail feather and upon further inspection, did get a bit of a bite on her hind quarters. Why is it that being around a hen and the cats and having my hands plunged into potting soil was so relaxing this weekend? I don't know, but I'm not going to think about it too strenuously. After another faux-pas at an open house, I confess again t
FASHION NEESTA BABY! My favorite co-worker strikes again. Cheryl has moved beyond her Carmine Miranda phase, beyond her prom-dresses-with-aprons experiment, and I know that I speak for everyone when I say that we miss her ABBA-inspired 70s dresses with massive platform boot period. But today I was so captivated by her new look that I walked almost a city block further than I needed to just so I could follow her to the far mail room and get a better understanding of what she has created for her Spring 2010 oeuvre. Let's call it 'Plastic'. Cheryl was wearing clear plastic booties with no heel or sole whatsoever. Now, I admire feet. I think they should be well-groomed and hers appeared to be nicely cared for, but no body's feet look good squished into plastic up to mid calf. They were like pink fleshy things gooshing up against the inside of the clear surface like sausages or jellyfish. I was repelled and yet I couldn't stop watching her walk. Then I couldn't fig
OH SHIT It happens every few months. Everyone on the airwaves and online are going into elaborate details about a NEW HEALTH STUDY. It generally starts with a Top 10 list of the dirtiest places or surfaces. I personally posit that these "studies" are where The Clorox Company spends all of their money. Quarterly they float these reports to boost business. Tell me I'm wrong. The list I heard this morning: 10th - Computer keyboards! Hard to clean and can house up to 200,000 particles of Ecoli and fecal spores! Arrgghh! 9th - Reusable water bottles! Covered with mouth germs and fecal spores!!! 8th - ... on and on the list went. Really people? REALLY? Why are our frail human forms still on the planet? I mean, if carpeting can house 9000,000,000 particles of the most dangerous bacteria on the planet and is nothing but fabric to hold feces, why haven't we expired as a species? Because of Clorox! That's why! Thank our lucky stars for Clorox! It kills! KILLS! Oh, don
SHE'S INTERESTED... BUT I'M NOT THAT INTERESTING So I've got a pal that I see a few times a week and here's our typical exchange: Bev: So good to see you Ivy! How was your weekend? Me: Oh, really good. I went to the beach. Bev: Which beach? Malibu? Me: No, I don't think so, further up. Bev: Paradise Cove? Me : Um, no, I don't think so. Bev: Was it up to Point Mugu? Me: I'm not sure, it was really nice and empty, the sun was perfect. Bev: Was there a state park nearby? Cuz if so, it was probably Point Mugu. Me: Not that I noticed. Bev: How long did you drive to get there? Cuz you may have been all the way up by Point Hueneme. Me: I stopped and got my nails done and I did a couple of errands in the Palasades and then I had lunch on PCH so I'm not sure how long it would take to drive there. Bev: Did you come back down the 1 or were you able to cross over to the 101? Ah. That's Bev. She's interested so she needs clarificati