Showing posts from August, 2009
WHY DO I EVESDROP? As you know, I love to evesdrop. It is a secret pleasure of mine to hear conversations around me. It isn't malicious, I'm not prying because I'm not using a surriptious listening device - I'm just being attentive to what they're saying out loud. I don't think it's rude to simply be aware. Do you? I was on my way out of the new Trader Joe's yesterday when I was stuck in traffic in the parking structure (gee, parking frustration at a Trader Joe's - shocker I know! But it's true.) I couldn't turn onto the street yet and was sitting on the ramp with my windows down as two young men approached. Deep in conversation, they were easily audible as they walked down the ramp. Guy in Jeans: Then I came out of the bathroom and realized it was getting light out! Guy in Khakis: Woah, it took that long? GIJ: Yeah. I freaked because it was almost morning and I hadn't finished cutting up the body. GIK: Shit. GIJ: The whole b
YOU DON'T NEED ADVICE BUDDY While waiting for a meeting to begin I jumped onto The Chicago Tribune and perused Ask Amy's advice column. Every now and then she gets a real doozie. I still remember the woman who wrote in years ago asking how she should handle the fact that she was 8 months pregnant from a sexual encounter on a vacation and didn't know how to tell her husband it wasn't his. She and her hubby are white and the guy who gave her more than a massage in the resort spa was black. I wonder if she ever managed to figure out how to tell him or she just hollered "surprise!" in the delivery room. Honestly! People never fail to make me shake my head. It's a wonder it doesn't fall off my neck. So, this column has a hubby asking Amy to help him explain to his wife that it is not OK for her to be out all night. And he goes on to state that wifey has been out all night twice in the past month. The plot thickens as he states that he calls her repeatedl
HERE YA GO! That's what he said as I opened my car door in the parking lot at Ralph's. I shrunk back into my seat as his hand reached into the car and handed me a small piece of paper. I was stunned into complete silence - but my brain was thinking "YEEGOW! WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!?!" I recovered in a second and pushed the door into him to move him away from me. Creepy Guy: Sorry. Here ya go. I'm a handyman and I'm not in a relationship so if I could take you out and do anything handy you need that would be really cool. Me: What are you trying to give me? CG: My phone number. It's kind of messy, but I saw you there on Olympic with your blinker on and I saw how beautiful you are and I figured you'd be coming to this parking lot so I rode over here on my bike to come talk to you. Me: No thank you. I slammed my door and triggered my alarm and moved toward the entrance. He dashed over to pick up his bike that he must have dropped in order to b
WHAT'S THE HAPS? Too damned busy to blog. That's the haps. But what has been keeping me busy? Too busy to write? Well, not exactly. At the price of my blog, I've been writing other things. GASP!! You say? OK, I've got to be up front. I've been writing food reviews for my local neighborhood paper. Not a bad gig. Here's how it happened. I was walking into my driveway when this woman approached me with a stack of newspapers: Dianne: Hi! Are you active in the neighborhood? Me: Um, well, I haven't lived here long, but Hudson is (I gestured feebly toward my home). Dianne : Please read this paper so you can be more active. Me: No thank you, I'm sure Hudson has a copy. Dianne: Impossible! Me: Oh, he's very active, I'm sure he's got a copy. Dianne: I'm telling you that's impossible! Do you know why I'm telling you that it's impossible that he has a copy? Me: (muttering) well, he's a cat for one... Dianne: He can't POSS